Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

My cousin Pam sent me this list and I had to laugh because I had received every one of these.

I don’t think she was the one who compiled it - so whoever did - thanks for the warnings.

Here’s your dose of doom for today!

* Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.  read more »

Struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;
float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative;
}
 
 
Struct married_females
{
double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;
}
 
 
Struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;  read more »

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
 
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
 
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
 
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
 
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
 
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
 
OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
 
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
 
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
 
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
 
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
 
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
 
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?  read more »

Can u pronounce good english:- read along woof,

Roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof,

Poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.

Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.

----------------------------------------

How to keep an idiot entertained

*press down*  read more »

Some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, but that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:  read more »

How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)

1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
   Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

   The family picture is on HER desk.
   Umm, her family will come before her career.

2. HIS desk is cluttered.
   He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

   HER desk is cluttered.
   She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
   He must be discussing the latest deal  read more »

Me: “Thank you for calling [eye doctor’s office], how can I help you?”

Lady: “Hello, I want to check on the status of my glasses.”

Me: “Okay, what is your full name?”

Lady: “Lori Johnson, spelled L-O-R-I.”

Me: “Okay, hold please.”

(I check the computer for Lori Johnson and it doesn’t come up. I then check alternative spellings things like Laurie, Lory, Lauri, etc. All to no avail.)

Me: “I’m sorry Miss, would you mind giving me your date of birth?”  read more »

A mid-level Blonde executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."  read more »

A young man moved away from his parents to become a student.

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, he led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the man replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously? Asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the student.  read more »