How to say if someone is stupid.

Politically correct ways to say someone is stupid:

1. A few clowns short of a circus.
2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
3. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
4. Too much yardage between the goal posts.
5. Dumber than a box of hair.
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
7. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.  read more »

Charles Darwin

Two blondes are on a train, sitting in a cabin next to an older gentleman who happens to have a long beard.

One of the blond girls whispers to the other 'Wow, look, it's Charles Darwin!!'

'Are you stupid, he's been dead for over 200 years!' the other blonde replies.

Just then, another older man walks into the cabin and says 'Howdy Charles, I haven't seen you for hundreds of years, what have you been up to?'

The first blonde says to the second 'Who's stupid now?'

Three blondes are in an elevator

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."

Solution to neighbor’s dog barking all night.

A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor’s dog starts barks and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'

She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'

The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor’s dog barking all night.'

Blonde girlfriend at the first football game

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

How to Annoy People, Long list of Oneliners

Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.

Wear your cap backwards and say “Yo, wazzup?” a lot.

Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton’s cousin.

Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.

Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.

Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.

Wire up people’s cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.

Ride a unicycle to work.

E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren’t actually there.  read more »

Cash Trick

I place $20 in a box.

So do you.

Now the box contains $40, and we both know it.

I sell the box to you for $30.

And we both walk away with a $10 profit.

(Thanks, Ben.)

Brunette and Blonde in a bakery.

A brunette and an blonde go into a bakery.

The blonde immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the brunette, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” The brunette says to the blonde, “That’s typical of you blondes. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.”  read more »

Confusing Names

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

Not all blonde women are dumb

A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.  read more »

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