A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read: "Puppies For Sale". Signs like that have a way of attracting small children and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.
"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.
The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."
The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change.
"I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?" read more »
Okay, you know Newton's Laws. But there are some laws Newton forgot to state in his life time! Here are the unpublished laws of Newton! Note: These things are just for fun. Don't take them seriously.
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. read more »
Here is the story behind 'Ladies First.' It's really an interesting story though I don't know whether it's true or not.
Long time ago, a man and a woman were madly in love.
They wanted to marry, but parents didn’t approve.
So they decided to suicide together, and planned to jump from a mountain.
The man could not bear to see his Sweet Heart Fall, so he convinced her that he will jump first, and he jumped.
But the girl never jumped.
Thereafter all men decided to say…..
“LADIES FIRST” :D
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. read more »
1. We may be emotional beings, but do not lie to We may be emotional beings, but do not lie to squirm your way out of trouble. We are not as gullible as you think.
2. We really don't find it attractive when you stand there stratching yourself in the morning, afternoon or night- please do it in private.
3. Don't fix it if it's really not broke. You don't need to take everything apart out of curiosity.
4. Ask for directions
5. If you said you are going to be somewhere at a certain time, then do it. Don't expect us to wait around. read more »
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. If you think you're fat, you may be. Don't ask us. (besides, we're not suicidal enough to answer anything other than "no" anyway)
6. Sunday Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. It can't be altered so just let be. read more »
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune." read more »
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle-aged French lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans.. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" read more »
10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name.
Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as
long as necessary.
8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" read more »
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
A place where women curl up and dye.
Someone who is fed up with people.
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead..
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN read more »