Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed.

With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:

"It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend.

I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle, But is not only that Mom, I'm pregnant and tom said that we will very happy in his trailer in the woods.

He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.  read more »

One of the pranks that I know of that isn't really harmful but still amusing is the "bathtub jello" one.

I've heard about couples returning from their honeymoon to find nothing out of the ordinary - until they go to take a shower/bath, when they find that their bathtub is full of jello.

It's easy to do - although I think it's better to make in layers if you have the time (you can assure that it's set that way).

Just run hot water, dump in lots of jello and *lots* of ice cubes, then stir.  read more »

Garage Sale
Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. all items in the backyard, just come around back and come early!

Oil Spot
At night pour used oil underneath the  read more »

• Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.  read more »

My mother lives 10 minutes from me and i drove to her house well she was at work went in and cut the power to her house by simply turning off the breakers..
Mom got home from work and instead of checking the breaker box she calls penalec..

3 hours later they show up test her lines and everything saying power is coming into the house and the guy checks the breaker box.. he said ma'am your breakers were all turned off..  read more »

Practical jokes should be done in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The best jokes are the clever ones where everyone laughs, especially the person who had the joke played on them.

These are many types of pranks and jokes ideal for April Fools Day.

1. Advertise your bosses job in the local newspaper - (Great if you want to get fired !).

2. Get a balloon and put it on the tailpipe of a truck  read more »

Jimmy Carr's One liners

1. Years after the Chernobyl accident and am I the only one that’s disappointed? Still no superheroes.

2) Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

3) No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea, you never get that tea.

4) I went up to the airport information desk. I said: "How many airports are there in the world?"

5) My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...  read more »

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.  read more »

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."  read more »

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn``t see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."  read more »