NASA sends a space shuttle up with two monkeys and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first monkey and asks, "Monkey #1, do you know your mission?"
The monkey replies, "ooah ooah!. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. ooah ooah!"
Then NASA Control asks the second monkey, "Monkey #2, do you know your mission?"
The second monkey replies, "ooah ooah! Once Monkey #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. ooah ooah!" read more »
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a cell phone?"
Blonde: "They're too expensive, so I did the next best thing: I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "And do you receive any letters?"
Blonde: "No, but I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke.
So the brunette said she would check the blonde's e-mail for her.
The blonde said, ''Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got.''
This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She met a foreman of a logging organization who offered to give her a job.
"Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the foreman told her. The blonde woman didn't see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best.
She came back sweating like a pig. ''Christ, how many trees did you cut down?'' asked the foreman.
''6'' she replied. read more »
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring.
It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. read more »
A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and started screaming, "Help me, please! My house is burning! Hurry!"
The operator said, "Okay, calm down and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?"
The blonde answered, "Duh, in that big red truck!"
A blonde sees a posting on a bulletin board that says, "Cruise Only for $5."
She goes to the address on the back and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.
The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks.
The other blonde replies, "They didn't last year."
A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.
The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?''
The blonde replies: ''I have chickens!''
The man thinks for a moment and says, ''If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?''
The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, ''Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"
A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.