Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

A mid-level Blonde executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."  read more »

A blonde was recently hired at an office.  Her first task was to go out for coffee.
 
Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
 
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. She asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"
 
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
   read more »

There was 3 girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. and they found a pyramid.

They read a tablet that said “this is the pyramid of 100 steps. if you get to the top of it, you will get what you’ve wanted all your life. but be warned, every 5 steps a person will pop out and tell a joke, and if you laugh, you can never try again.”

So the brunette gets to the 5th step and laughs, so she could never try again.

The red head got to the 20th step and laughed, so she could never try again.  read more »

Two blondes were working on a house.

One, who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch,

pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into,

asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective.

If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"  read more »

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat- shirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma " And they say blondes are dumb...

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A blond woman buys a bath, the next day she returnes to the shop claiming it's broken and leaking water, she says every time i fill it up it just empties.

The shop keeper replies have you put the plug in it, she replys "I never knew it was electrical"
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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?"

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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A blonde was taking the tour of a national park  read more »

A blonde began a job as an elementary school teacher and she was eager to help.

One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"  read more »

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.

The pharmacy technician explained that the device was out for repairs,

But said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the mother and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

Once upon a time there was a magic mirror that could tell when you were lying.

If you were, ZAP! It would suck you in and you were gone forever.

One day, The Miss Universe, The Miss world, and a blonde happened by the mirror.

The The Miss Universe looked in it and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
ZAP! The mirror sucked her in, she was gone.  read more »

This guy goes skydiving for the first time. 

After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. 

Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. 

As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a Blonde coming up the other way. 

He shouts to her  read more »

Two Blondes decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport fishing.

After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits.

Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught plenty of fish within twenty minutes.

One blonde said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come).

The other blonde says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot....  read more »