Blonde one liners



Q ..  How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A .. Knock on the door.

Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".

Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.

Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.

Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q .. What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A .. Third grade.

Q .. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A .. You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q ..  How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A .. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Q .. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A .. The noise gave her a headache.

Q .. How does a blond know if she's on her way home or on her way to work?
A .. She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it.

Q .. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A .. Perri-air.

Q .. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A .. When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q .. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A .. She missed.

Q .. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A .. Data transfer.

Q .. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A .. From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".

Q .. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A .. The cow fell on her.

Q .. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A .. Bobbing for french fries.

Q .. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A .. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q .. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A .. You can park in the handicap zone.

Q .. What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A .. Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q .. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A .. Shine a torch in her ears.

Q .. Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A .. No smoking.

Q .. What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A .. She grabs a bowl.

Q .. How do you drown a blond?
A .. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q ..  Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A .. She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q .. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A .. The vegetable garden.

Q .. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A .. "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q .. Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A .. Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q .. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A .. They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q .. What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A .. A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q ..  What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A .. A blonde trying to put it out.

Q .. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A .. To get chocolate milk.

Q .. What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?
A .. A dumb terminal.

Q .. Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A .. So brunettes can understand them.

Q .. How did the blond burn her ear?
A .. The phone rang while she was ironing.

Q .. There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn't they get in?
A .. The sign said "must be 18 to enter".

Q .. Why are there no brunette jokes?
A .. Because blondes would have to think them up.

Q .. How does a blonde make instant pudding?
A .. She places the box in the microwave and looks for the "instant pudding setting" button.

Q .. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
A .. When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.

Q .. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A .. Her IQ goes up!

Q .. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A .. Reservations.

Q .. What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A .. A visitor.

Q .. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A .. An interpreter.

Q .. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A .. A Space Invader.

Q .. Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes?
A .. It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.

Q .. Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A .. They're refuelling.

Q ..  Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A .. She was last years hide and seek winner.

Q ..  Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A .. From eating with forks.

Q .. Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A .. Because they can spell it.

Q .. Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A .. They can't remember the number.

Q ..  How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A .. "What's a lightbulb?"

Q ..  How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A .. Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q .. How do you get rid of blondes?
A .. Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.

Q ..  How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A .. Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Q .. Why does it work?
A .. "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q ..  How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A .. You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q .. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A .. Proofreading.


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