Short Blonde Jokes



There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

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A blond student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do *anything* to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...*anything*."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"*Anything*."

His voice softens. "*Anything*??"

"*Anything*."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...*study*?"

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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat- shirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma " And they say blondes are dumb...

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A blond woman buys a bath, the next day she returnes to the shop claiming it's broken and leaking water, she says every time i fill it up it just empties.

The shop keeper replies have you put the plug in it, she replys "I never knew it was electrical"
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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?"

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.

The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!"

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While waiting at a cross walk for the light to change, a blonde asked why the signal was buzzing.
When she was told that it was to let blind people know when the light was red, she replied, "What in the world are blind people doing driving?"

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Did you hear about the blonde who called the county to have the Deer Crossing sign removed from her road? It seems that too many deer were being hit by cars.

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Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

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Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who is the oldest?
The blonde, because she's 18.

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Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
It was easier to spell.

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Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

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Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.

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How did the blonde get ready for Y2K?
She changed all her y's to k's.

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How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

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What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

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What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

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What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champ.

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Why are the Japanese so smart?
No blondes.

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Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies?
Under 17 not admitted!

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Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

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Why did the blonde secretary cut off her finger?
She wanted to write shorthand.

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Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."


Comments



Blond Joke

There are three blonds walking in the woods and they come upon a set of tracks.
The First Blond says, "Those are Deer tracks."
but the Second blond said, "No, those are elk tracks."
While the Third Blond said, "No no no.. those are defiantly moose tracks."
And while they're still arguing, a train runs them over.

:D



there is a smart blonde, a

there is a smart blonde, a dumb blonde and a tooth fairy walking down the road and they come across a 20$ bill in front of them.
Q: who gets the money first?
A: the dumb blonde, because there's no such thing as the tooth fairy or a smart blonde.



Blonde

How do you know a blonde is having a bad day

When she has a tampon behind her ear and she cant find her pencil.



Michelle's fat!

Michelle's fat!



MUFFINS

Two Muffins are in an oven.
One of the Muffins says "boy it's getting hot in here"
and the other muffin says "OH BOY A TALKING MUFFIN!!"



How do you drown a

How do you drown a blonde??
Put a scratch-n-sniff at the bottom of a pool



Dumb Bonde There was a

Dumb Bonde

There was a blonde who went into a bar, and there was a ventriliquist with a little dummy on his knee who was doing his act about dumb blondes. After a couple of his jokes, she stood up and shook her fist at the ventriliquist, saying " How dare you put a stereotype on people like that! It is people like you who stop me from being respected poperly!". The ventriliquist, who was properly embaressed by now, started to apoligize when the blonde inturupted: " Hey, mister, you stay out of this! I'm talking to the little guy sitting on your knee!".

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