Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Q ..  How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A .. Knock on the door.

Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".

Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.

Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.

Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.  read more »

He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Blonde. Father: Blonde. Kid: Chinese."

"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Blonde?"

"Aah, I read it in the newspaper",Blonde says  read more »

This blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".

Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".

The blonde replied  read more »

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

'No woman can keep a secret.'  said one man.

'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.'

'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted.  read more »

An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."  read more »

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?

Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem?  read more »

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails.

Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.  read more »

Just in time for football season A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied,” especially the cute guys with all the big muscles,

but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

her date asked, “What do you mean?”  read more »

There two redheads and one blonde attempting to fix a roof.

While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.
 
The 2 redheads decide that they should make the blonde go first, to check how deep the poop is so they can jump down.

So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."

So the two redheads jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"  read more »

An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard.

He picked out a strong young blonde man to become his apprentice.

The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."  read more »