Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard.

He picked out a strong young blonde man to become his apprentice.

The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."  read more »

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.

After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."

The first said, "I wish I were smarter."

So, she became a redhead.

The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."

She became a brunette.

The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"  read more »

A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.

The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.

The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.

The pope told the brunette to take the last one.  read more »

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!"

The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!"

The blonde replies, "No. I won a motor home!"  read more »

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.  read more »

A famous soccer player parked his brand new porsche outside a gift store and went inside to shop.

About ten minutes later a blonde salesgirl ran up to him shouting, "I just saw someone steal your sports car."

"Did you try to stop him?" asked the soccer player.

"No," said the blonde. "I did better than that,  read more »

There were three blondes at the University of Texas.

The Dean gave them the job of measuring the height of the new flagpole.

They put the flagpole in the base and get on ladders to measure it.

Finally an architect walks by and sees they are having trouble so he takes the pole out of the ground and lays it down and pulls out his tape measure.

He writes the measurement on a piece of paper and walks away.  read more »

A blonde guy, Mexican guy, and Irish guy, were all sitting on a scaffold next to a tall building eating lunch.

The Mexican guy says, " If I have 1 more burrito for lunch, I will jump to my death."

The Irish guy says, "If I have 1 more cabbage roll I will jump to my death."

The blonde guy says, "If I have 1 more bologna sandwich, I will jump to my death."

The next day the Mexican guy opens his lunchbox and sees a burrito so he jumps to his death.  read more »

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.  read more »

I had to take a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.  read more »