- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe,
with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth
- Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle
was six feet tall and had learned karate.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
- If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named like Chucktober
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
- Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
- In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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