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Chuck Norris

  • There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe,
    with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth
    ingredient: Fear.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
  • The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  • Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
    once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle
    was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  • Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  • Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
  • If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named like Chucktober
  • Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
  • Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  • Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  • When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
  • What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
  • Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  • Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
  • Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
  • Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
  • When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  • Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  • In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

 


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Comments

Sat, 09/06/2008 - 05:35 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck norris doesnt

chuck norris doesn't pee....pee escapes from chuck norris

Thu, 08/14/2008 - 18:18 — Anonymous (not verified)

water and jesus

Jesus walked on water. Chuck norris walked on Jesus

Mon, 08/25/2008 - 21:52 — Yannburger (not verified)

Hahaha

Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim on land.

Mon, 07/14/2008 - 20:55 — Anonymous (not verified)

No speed of light

Chuck Norris doesn't go at the speed of light. He goes at the speed of Norris.

Thu, 06/26/2008 - 06:41 — justin mcconnell (not verified)

chuck can

chuck can fly through watter
chuck can roundhouse kick the wind
chuck can eat air
chuck can breath in space
chuck can eat the sun
chuck dosnt need a gas mask, his beard filters the air
chuck ran to the end of the universe for spring break and that was called the dark age
chuck can eat kryptonite
orbit dosnt clean chuck's teeth, chuck teeth cleans orbit
chuck dosnt go to the dentist the dentist goes to chuck
chuck dosnt swim in watter he flyes throught the air
chuck dosnt go anywhere cause he is already there
chuck dosnt cut down trees he round house kicks the ground and the trees fall down from fear
chuck can made the ocean by pee-ing of a cliff

Tue, 06/03/2008 - 17:07 — Anonymous (not verified)

everynite b4 tha boogy man

everynite b4 tha boogy man goes to sleep he checks his closet 4 Chuck Norris

Sun, 06/01/2008 - 14:00 — James (not verified)

5 jokes

Chuck Norris smells what the rock is cooking.

Chuck Norris is what willis was talkin' about

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin, and it's decendants today are known as giraffes

Chuck Norris can divide by zero

when going to give blood, Chuck Norris denies th needle, and asks for a gun and a bucket

Fri, 05/30/2008 - 14:21 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris pee

Some kids can pee their name in the snow, Chuck Norris can pee his name in concrete

Sun, 06/01/2008 - 14:01 — James (not verified)

Chuck Norris once bottled

Chuck Norris once bottled his pee and sold it, we know this product as Red Bull

Sat, 05/17/2008 - 23:57 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris' Car Has No Gas

Chuck Noriss' Car has no gas pedal he simply roundhouse kicks the rear bumper at the speed of light and therefore is already in the car when it moves.

Fri, 05/09/2008 - 17:27 — rofl copter (not verified)

jokey

chuck norris can kill 2 stones w/ one bird

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

Thu, 05/08/2008 - 19:04 — gary (not verified)

hahaha

hahaha

Thu, 05/08/2008 - 14:51 — Anonymous (not verified)

ahah funny

a tsunami isn't made by an earthquake chuck norris just gets mad and punches the water

Thu, 05/08/2008 - 14:45 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck norris

area 51 isnt goverment owned its chuck norris owned

Sat, 04/12/2008 - 01:21 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris can exceed the

Chuck Norris can exceed the speed of light.

Thu, 03/27/2008 - 01:42 — RJH (not verified)

Chuck Norris didnt shoot the

Chuck Norris didnt shoot the sheriff, he roundhouse kicked the deputy :O

Thu, 03/06/2008 - 14:53 — Anonymous

Superman wears Chuck Norris

Superman wears Chuck Norris Underwear :)

Tue, 03/04/2008 - 02:38 — Anonymous

chuck norris is so strong

chuck norris is so strong that when he does a push up he actually pushes the world down

Tue, 02/26/2008 - 00:17 — Anonymous

If you type Chuck Norris

If you type Chuck Norris incorrectly on google, it doesnt say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" it says "Run while you still can"

Fri, 02/22/2008 - 15:43 — Anonymous

Chuck Norris is the

Chuck Norris is the best........ enough said

Wed, 02/20/2008 - 16:50 — Anonymous

chuck norris once shot an

chuck norris once shot an airplane down with his finger just by yelling bang

Mon, 02/18/2008 - 23:10 — Anonymous

Chuck norris can swallow an

Chuck norris can swallow an unfinnished rubiks cube and poop it out finnished

Wed, 02/13/2008 - 17:07 — Anonymous

1 + 2 = ..... chuck norris

1 + 2 = ..... chuck norris :]

Wed, 02/13/2008 - 17:07 — Anonymous

chuck norris can speak

chuck norris can speak braile... in spanish ;] lmfao

Tue, 02/12/2008 - 03:42 — Anonymous

Rain doesnt fall from the

Rain doesnt fall from the sky....Chuck Norris just did a cannonball in a puddle

Wed, 02/06/2008 - 21:15 — Anonymous

jesus can walk on water.BUT

jesus can walk on water.BUT CHUCK NORRIS CAN SWIM THROUGH LAND

Mon, 12/31/2007 - 01:42 — Anonymous

Chuck Norris created global

Chuck Norris created global warming. He got cold, so he turned up the sun.

Tue, 12/25/2007 - 00:27 — Anonymous

Chuck Norris lives off

Chuck Norris lives off worlds. Earth is next.

Mon, 12/10/2007 - 19:09 — Anonymous

i got a joke......if

i got a joke......if super-man and flash had a race around the world who would win?........Chuck Norris.

Fri, 12/07/2007 - 16:19 — Anonymous

Besides Jesus...... Chuck

Besides Jesus...... Chuck Norris is the only man to ever walk across water and not sink.

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