Chuck Norris


  • There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe,
    with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth
    ingredient: Fear.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
  • The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  • Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
    once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle
    was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  • Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  • Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
  • If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named like Chucktober
  • Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
  • Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  • Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  • When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
  • What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
  • Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  • Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
  • Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
  • Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
  • When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  • Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  • In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

 


Comments



not evin chuck norris can

not evin chuck norris can escape from chuck norris



How Micheal Jackson REALLY died

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the air at the south pole...And killed it. It's body hit micheal jackson square in the face....And killed him. He blamed Micheal jackson's doctor and every one beleived him. OR ELSE.................



Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris went in an impersonating Elvis competition against Elvis.
. . . . .
He won.



Chuck Norris

When somebody says chuck norris,another persoin dies.



speed

chuck norris doesn't go at the speed of light,light goes at the speed of chuck norris.



Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet ran from the spider, but the spider ran from Chuck Norris.



First place

First place in any competition is actually second place - after Chuck Norris.



Armageddon

Chuck Norris has been forward in time to Armageddon, and has seen himself.



Can of whoop-ass

At dinner time, Chuck Norris opens a can of whoop-ass.



Tattoos

Chuck Norris gives himself tattoos with a katana sword.



Prank calls

If anyone prank calls Chuck Norris then he will reach through the phone and strangle them.



One hand clapping

Chuck norris can make the sound of one hand clapping.



Tree in the forest

Chuck Norris heard the sound of a tree falling in the forest (where no-one else was around to hear it).



The dinosaurs

Chuck Norris killed the dinosaurs.



fists

Chuck Norris's fists are registered with the police as "lethal weapons".



Mastery

Chuck Norris has mastered everything, even everything he has never done before.



Blue Screen of Death

Chuck Norris can make the Blue Screen of Death think twice about appearing.



Shatterproof Windows

Chuck Norris can walk through shatterproof windows.



1 to 10

On a scale of 1 to 10, Chuck Norris's toughness rates 11.



Mission Impossible

Chcuk Norris carried out Mission Impossible.



Little Known Amazing Chuck Norris Fact

Chuck Norris successfully pokes zero eyes out when he runs with scissors .



> Chuck Norris uses pepper

> Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

Bull shit, pepper spray won't spice up steaks for Chuck Norris - Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to freshen up his breath.



Chuck Norris made a

Chuck Norris made a flamethrower by peeing into a lighter.



when chuck norris gets out

when chuck norris gets out of bed the whole building shatters.
chuck norris walked into a bar and everyone cowerd in the sides of the building



Chuck is a noob

CHUCK NORRIS IS SUCH A NOOB HE DONT LIKE DR.PEPPER HE DONT BELIVE IN GERMANY I LOVE DR. PEPPER AND I AM GERMAN.



chuck is not noob

u have bout 3 minutes to live, spend it wisely.



haha chuck norris is cumin 4

haha chuck norris is cumin 4 u so u can lick my sack



that was me

THAT RITE CHUCK I CALLE DYOU A NOOB U DR.PEPPER HATING, GERMAN HATING NOOB



chuck'll kill U

dont diss the chuck german boy just go get drunk and plow Ur mommy



CHUCK NORRIS IS HERE PLEASE

CHUCK NORRIS IS HERE PLEASE HELP MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CHUCK IM NOT THE GERMAN BITCH THAT CALLED YOU A NOOB! OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY GGGGGGGGOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The Death Star was not

The Death Star was not originally the Death Star. It was actually the Death Stare. This is because the laser fired was not actually a laser. They just pointed Chuck Norris at a planet and he stared at it until it exploded.



Chuck Norris

If you ever meet Chuck Norris, you would never live to talk about it



chuck and math

Chuck Norris can add 2+2 and get 5



trixes r 4 kids

trixes cant be just 4 kids.........because chuck norris gets what he wants.



Chuck Norris's favorite

Chuck Norris's favorite animal is Chuck Norris



cn

When Chuck Norris washes his clothes he adds his reds with his whites



chuck norris does not get

chuck norris does not get hot or cold, he stays room temperature



my favorites, whatever you do don't let chuck find out!!!

1chuck norris can slam a revolving door
2Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
3Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through
4How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
5 Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
6The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off
7 Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
8 Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
9 Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
10 People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
11Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
12Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper.
13Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
14Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
15 On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000
16When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
17Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter
18 when arnold say "I'll be back" in the terminator movie, what he really meant was "I'll be back, going to get Chuck Norris!"
19Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
20Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
21As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
22Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
23A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his butt twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time
24Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
25For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.



chuck norris

chuck norris can move faster than the speed of light. That means when you turn your light switch on, you'll be dead before the bulb turns on



Now I'm afraid to turn on

Now I'm afraid to turn on the light... >.>



Chuck Norris can drink a

Chuck Norris can drink a gallon of milk in less then 30 minutes



chuck take ith

a sad crowd gathered around a baby lamb with a broken leg and dying. Chuck Norris walked over, picked up the baby lamb while placing his hand over its leg. he then set it down healed...the crowd awwed. he then snapped its neck and layed the lamb to death. When asked why? Chuck Norris stated " Chuck Norris givith, Chuck Norris takeith away"



Chuck Norris Joke

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris



There is no theory of

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris CAN eat just one lay's chip.

They once invented a Chuck Norris toilet paper, no one could use it because Chuck Norris doesn't take shit from nobody.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom because nothing can protect from Chuck Norris.



YAY funny better than

YAY funny better than everyone 267h24v6y35892nhct7834



big bad wolf

the big bad wolf couldn't blow down the brick house but Chuck Norris could



jokes

chuck norris killed kennedy with a roundhouse kick to the head.



Justin mcconnell, learn to

Justin mcconnell, learn to spell.



lol.

if you had £10 and chuck norris had £5 ....
Chuck norris would have more than you.

Chuck norris CAN touch mc hammer.

When chuck norris jumps in a swimming pool,
he doesn't get wet.
the water gets chuck norris.

chuck norris can count to infinity... twice.

Chuck norris can believe its not butter.



A perfect movie for Chuck

A perfect movie for Chuck Norris is "He Holds The Sparrow" a true account by Fran Grubb. Frances was kidnapped from an orphanage by an escaped convicted child molester. She endured years of starvation and abuse before escaping at age fourteen. This book will touch and inspire the hardest heart. "He Holds The Sparrow" would be a perfect film for Chuck Norris.

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