Chuck Norris Facts



Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.


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Chuck Norris's show is

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger because Chuck Norris never runs... NEVER



neuclear war

A new study in Washington has shown that if we were ever in a neuclear war all that would be left would be cockroaches and Chuck Norris.



Bats

Once Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off of a bat, not to be bested Chuck Norris bit the head off of Bat Man



Osama van ladan

Osama van ladan was hidding in a hole becuase chuck norris joined the army



Chuck Norris' body

Chuck Norris' body tempurture is 98.6 degrees...celcius!!!



chuck norris

chuck norris is luke skywalkers real father



chuck norris

chuck norris does not fly on planes, they fly on him
chuck norris does not need money, money needs him
chuck norris does not breathe oxygen, oxygen breathes chuck.
chuck can prove science wrong
thesloar system doesnt revolve around the sun, it revolves around chuck norris



chuck norris

chuck norris doesnt walk around the earth, the earth walks around him



chuck norris and MR. T

Mr.T pittys the fool but chuck norris pittys Mr.T.



Chuck Norris sleeps with a

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.



Chuck

The Sun would always be up if Chuck Norris didn't tell it to go down.



chuck norris knows the

chuck norris knows the meaning of life



chuck norris can play beta

chuck norris can play beta movies in a vhs



chuck norris can watch OLD

chuck norris can watch OLD YELLAR and not cry



ahahhhhhaaaaa

ahahhhhhaaaaa



Where's Waldo???

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can go UP Niagra Falls. In a cardboard box.
When the boogie man goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can pick up Andre the Giant.



Chuck Norris Facts.

There are no steriods in athletics, Chuck Norris just breathes on people.



Chuck Norris can make

Chuck Norris can make 2+2=5

Do you want to know why your calculator fails when you divide by 0? It's because it = Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he can get the pleasure

Chuck Norris' dog has learn't not to take shits in his garden because Chuck Norris doesn't take shit from noone



Chuck Norris

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.



YEAH!!!!!

Jackie Chan doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar

It doesn't take Jackie Chan any licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop because what Jackie wants, Jackie gets

Jackie Chan can tie velcro shoes

Jackie Chan has been to the bottom of the bottomless pit 24 times

World War II was started when Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan saw each other's TV shows



round house kick

chuck norris once round house kicked him self in the face for saying his own name.



new ones

chuck norris doesnt cut his grass. he stares it down and dares it to grow.
chuck norris doesnt do pushups. he pushes the earth down.



pajamas

chuck norris wears me on his pajamas



not even close... chuck

not even close... chuck norriss takes that as a challenge



Chuck Norris is so strong he

Chuck Norris is so strong he made the Hulk piss him self.



CHUCK NORRIS ONCE BUILT A

CHUCK NORRIS ONCE BUILT A LOG CABIN OUT OF BRICKS!!!



no... chuck norris built the

no... chuck norris built the log cabin he was born in



Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Can Talk About Fight Club



Chuck Norris

If at first you don't suceed, you are not Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves



No. I can win a game in 1!

No. I can win a game in 1! And i'm going to kill you!



Chuck Norris Doesn't Like

Chuck Norris Doesn't Like Sara Lee.
Chuck Norris knows the secret to bush's baked beans.
If a tree falls in a forest and nobody's around to hear it, Chuck Norris Hears it
If chuck norris falls in the water, he does not get wet. the water get's Chuck Norris.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris Kills People!!!!!



correction. chuck norris IS

correction. chuck norris IS the secret ingredient in bush's baked beans



'My space' isnt your space

'My space' isnt your space its Chuck Norris space{chuck norris ownes everything}



Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris breaks promises with a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can ride a camel through the eye of a needle.
Chuck Norris once jumped on a trampoline and accidentally sent it to hell.
Chuck Norris can make a lemon out of lemonade.
Chuck Norris doesn't answer a phone, it answers to him.
Steroids got busted for taking Chuck Norris.



Blood Drive

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe. Instead he requests a hand gun and a bucket



strangle

Chuck Norris can strangle an African elephant....... with his forehead

Chuck Norris died 12 years ago. Death just hasn't got up the nerve to tell him

Chuck Norris and Mr. T once walked into a bar, only to have it instantly implode. scientists studied this for several days and found that that mauch awsome simply could not be in the same building.

while talking with those scientists they told him that diamond was the hardest substance on earth. Chuck became furios , and roundhouse kicked them all in the head with such heat and pressure it turned them into artifitial Chuck Norris.



chuck norris can shoot a gun

chuck norris can shoot a gun without a clip in it



....

so can anyone.. just load one in the chamber and remove the clip... durr



chuck noris

chuck noris got in a knife fight and the knife lost



If Chuck Norris had his own

If Chuck Norris had his own band it would be called: Chuck Norris and the 3rd Fist.

The reason the planet Mars is colored red is because a Martian pissed off Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris was in Brawl and you chose him and began the match, you win automatically.

When you use Chuck Norris' Final Smash the screen turns black and say's "Error: this game nor cant handle the true power of Norris." and 2 seconds later you see blood and guts everywhere and says GAME.



dogs

chuck norris's dog picks up after its self because chuck norris doesn't take shit from no body no how.



1 Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has diabetes, but I don't think he takes insulin.



1 Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is really tough.



1 Chuck Norris

I saw Chuck Norris once. And liked it.



Chuckn Norris

Chuck Norris loves his family... a lot.



GUNS

When someone fires a gun the other guy doesnt die from the bullet because chuck norris blocks it with his beard. the person dies from pure shock and awe



Chuck Norris

Someone insulted Chuck Norris when he went to texas, they made a movie about it called: Walker:Texas Chainsaw Massacre



chucknorris

chuck norris has the real king kong in his trunk



If life gives you lemons

If life gives tou lemons you make lemonade if life Gives
Chuck Norris lemons he makes Orange Juice.

Chuck Norris can eat only 1 lays potato chip.

Chuck Norris can fit 20 gallons in a 10 gallon hat.

Chuck Norris can fall up.

Chuck Norris can cut liquid with a butter knife.

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