Chuck Norris One Liner

Google no longer runs searches on Chuck Norris
You dont find chuck norris,
Chuck Norris finds you!

Chuck Norris writes half of the jokes on this site, he likes his fans to be informed

Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.

A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him
cured the man's blindness, unfortunately the first and last thing the
man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark; the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity...............TWICE!!!

Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of mortals.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.

Although it is not common knowledge, there three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it
notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed
in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing
around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his
own head.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon.

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany. 


a man asked chuck if his

a man asked chuck if his real name was Charles. Chuck Norris just stared at him until his head exploded. XD

Chuck Norris Is Darth Vared,

Chuck Norris Is Darth Vared, he can kill you without moving.

Do a search on Google

enter "find chuck norris" and click "I'm feeling lucky." Google returns a page that says he cannot be found.


There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of things Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

chuck noris does not run he

chuck noris does not run he moves the earth to where he wants
chuck noris does not sleep he waits

E-mail me

E-mail me @ if you have any you want to share w/ me


Chuck Norris' house has no doors.........just walls that he walks through

Chuck Norris once lost both legs in a car accident.......he still managed to walk away from it......

Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed w/ a chainsaw

every 2 seconds someone in america needs blood all of them due to Chuck Norris

There are no weapons of mass destruction in iraq.........Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes w/ his feet

Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane by pointing @ it and yelling "BANG"

The only reason Outer Space exists is b/c it is to afraid to live on the same planet as Chuck Norris

If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars Chuck Norris has more

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table.......b/c he only recognizes the element of surprise

Chuck Norris can win a game

Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.


google doesnt find chuck norris chuck norris cant be seen
google cant seem to find chuck norris try again when chuck norris isnt chuck norris
chuck norris doesnt brush his teeth unless they are really askin for it
chuck norris is wat chuck norris was and thats chuck norris
Bobby:whose Chuck Norris? BAM! roundhouse kick to the face by chuck norris
Chuck norris isnt on the bed ,the bed is under chuck norris ,terrified
chuck norris can count to infinity twice in .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001
chuck norris doesnt count the numbers talk for him

.chuck norris is the reaon

.chuck norris is the reaon fuzzy wuzzy has no hair.

chuck norris knows hoi\w much a woodcuhck can chuck if a wood chick could chick wood

chuck norris killed edward cullen ( when he was a vampire)


Chuck Norris walked into McDonald's and ordered a Whopper. He got one.

Chuck Norris

1: CHuck Norris is so fast he ran around the wourld and punched himself in the back of the head

2: Chuck Norris had a boner... there were no survivors.

3: E.T. phoned home... Chuck Norris answered.

Hitler didn't really

Hitler didn't really exist. He was a cover-up for when Chuck Norris lost to a Jew in a card game.



It's a wee bit racist perhaps, but it's so funny!

Best CN Fact I have seen in a while!

When Chuck Norris...

When Chuck Norris Jumps In A Pool Chuck Norris Doesn't Get Wet, The Water Gets Chuck Norris

chuck norris

they thought dimond was the harded thing on earth, till they found chuck norris.

they thought diamonds was

they thought diamonds was the hardest thing on earth, til they found Michael Jackson in Chucky Cheese.

Chuck Norris

  • Chuck Norris doesnt blow his nose.
    Snot runs away from Cuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesnt need electricity
    Electricity needs Chuck norris
  •  Chuck Norris beat solitaire in 1 turn
  • Chuck Norris doesnt chop down trees
    Trees fall in fear of chuck norris

chuck norris invented

chuck norris invented pinecones

Toilet Paper

They once tried to make a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.

Chuck Norris is the only man

Chuck Norris is the only man ever to give birth. His child was called the Atomic Bomb.

chuck norris can beat a

chuck norris can beat a brick wall in tennis

Chuck Norris can slam a

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

While most people's white

While most people's white blood cells are pure white, Chuck's have a black ring around them, signifying that they are black belt cells and can officially kick any disease's ass.


Chuck Norris can strangle a cordless phone

i knew this guy who went to

i knew this guy who went to chuck norris's house and HAVENT SEEN HIM SINCE

There is no chin behind

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris there is only another fist

Chuck Norris is so fast when

Chuck Norris is so fast when he runs around the world he can punch himself in the back of the head

when Chuck Norris jumps in a

when Chuck Norris jumps in a pool the water doesnt get chuck. Chuck gets the water


how much wood would a

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck norris

all of it.

all of it.

chuck norris once had an

chuck norris once had an argument with a one armed man to make things equal he pulled off both his arms and one leg. then killed the man with a single round house kick to the jaw.then began sewing his limbs back on with a rusty wire.


actually, the first part is true, after he killed the guys, he looked at his stumps and they regrew automatically jeans, boots, and everything.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear sun

Chuck Norris doesnt wear sun block, the sun wears Chuck block.

Chuck Norris can pop a

Chuck Norris can pop a wheely on a unicycle

Chuck Norris has never lost

Chuck Norris has never lost to anyone. Not even in anyone's dream.

If you have ever played God

If you have ever played God of War you would realize that Cratos means Chuck Norris in Greek.

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