Chuck Norris One Liners

Chuck Norris' facial hair is known to cut diamonds.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Once upon a time there was a magical kingdom. Then Chuck Norris came, and it wasnt so magical.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

When Chuck Norris speaks, everyone listens... and dies


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Comments

Chuck Norris

The Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious! Who started the facts anyway? i'm only asking because I'm a big fan of his. If you can reply, email me at tankvenus@gmail.com

Chuck Norris joke

Chuck Norris is like Jesus! He loves the little children.

They taste good.....

chuck norris swims

when chuck norris swims he doesnt get wet , the water gets chuck norris-fied

funny

this is realy funny its going on my favorites.

Horse

Chuck norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris

That wasn't hurricane

That wasn't hurricane Katrina you saw on tv that was Chuck Norris

-gangster brothers

Chuck Norris doesn't take

Chuck Norris doesn't take showers, he takes blood baths.

grasshole

chuck norris doesn't cut his grass. he stares at it and dares it to grow

Chuck norris can believe its

Chuck norris can believe its not butter

next time someone makes a

next time someone makes a joke, they will be rouyndhouse kicked in the face and will be stone dead in 0.00001 seconds

Chuck Norris sleeps with a

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, it's because the dark's afraid of Chuck Noris.

chuck norris

homeless people give money to chuck norris

Walker, Texas Ranger didnt

Walker, Texas Ranger didnt stop airing, chuck norris killed him

chuck norris doesn't travel

chuck norris doesn't travel at the speed of light. light travels at the speed of chuck norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason

Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding

chuck norris doesn't wear a

chuck norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

Chuck Norris doesn't find

Chuck Norris doesn't find Waldo, Waldo finds Chuck Norris. -Alex Gallien

Instead of shaving chuck

Instead of shaving chuck norris merely kicks himself in the face,only chuck norris can cut chuck norris.

Chuck Norris played Through

Chuck Norris played Through the Fire and Flames on Expert and got 101%, the programmers had merely missed some notes.

chuck norrris blblbblbla

chuck norrris blblbblbla

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