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Chuck Norris One Liners
Chuck Norris' facial hair is known to cut diamonds.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Once upon a time there was a magical kingdom. Then Chuck Norris came, and it wasnt so magical.
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
When Chuck Norris speaks, everyone listens... and dies
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Comments
friends
chuck norris has no friends friends have chuck norris.
Houston loves Chuck - moved by jokes
Don't have any jokes for Chuck Norris - but did appreciate reading these - Chuck Norris rocks!
check out some more funny
check out some more funny chuck norris jokes here
http://hubpages.com/hub/jokes-about-Chuck-Norris
- Death had a "near Chuck
- Death had a "near Chuck Norris experience"
- Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
- The earth spins faster when Chuck Norris goes for a run.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why aliens don't invade earth.
- Chuck Norris has a life expectancy of 1,000 yrs
- Everyone is wrong, Chuck Norris is right!!
- Chuck Norris kills flies by spitting at them.
- An average person may have to live "7 life times" to even come close to Chuck Norris wisdom.
- Heaven and Hell always make sure they don't see Chuck Norris!!!
- Chuck Norris sank the Titanic
- Chuck Norris went to prison once - ALL the prisoners died of shock to see him again!!!
- Luke Sky Walker - Chuck Norris is your REAL father!!!
- Chuck Norris never appears on 3D movies, Its for everyones own safety!!!
- Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands - its now called 'the islands'
chuck norris
chuck norris can speak braille
chuck norris
although it's not commonly known there are three sides to the force. the light side, the dark side, and chuck norris
chuck norris
some kids can piss their names in the snow, chuck norris can piss his name in concrete.
chuck norris
chuck norris' penis is so big that it has a penis of it's own and it's still bigger than yours
chuck norris
chuck noprris can blow bubbles with beef jerky
you spelled Chuck Norris's
you spelled Chuck Norris's name wrong... run away before he finds out
chuck norris
chuck norris made ellen degeneres straight
chick norris
chuck norris sent jesus a card on december 25th. it wasn't jeses' birthday. jesus was afraid to correct chuck norris so to this day december 25th is known as jesus' birthday.
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris lost his virginity Before his father.
Chuck norris made Nukes
When Chuck Norris was 10 he made a stink bomb. It was later dropped on Japan
When Chuck Norris was 10 he
When Chuck Norris was 10 he made a stink bomb. It was later dropped on Japan
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris
chuck norris thinks
chuck norris thinks bleedings for pussies ... period
chuck norris plade gh3 worls tour all intrumentrs with one hand
Walrus's have the second
Walrus's have the second largest penis of any mammal.... Chuck Norris has the first.
Chuck Norris! Duh!
- Chuck Norris can slam a revoving door.
- Chuck Norris know where Carmen Sandiego is.
- It's said that chuck norris has a third arm inside his beard.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
- God was going to create the world in 10 days but Chuck Norris round house kicked him in the face and gave him 7.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get cut, cuts get chuck norrised.
- Chuck Norris knows where Waldo is.
- There's no such thing as Evolution, just descendants of Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris doesn't teabag
Chuck norris doesn't teabag the ladies, he potato sacks them.
Chuck Norris built a time
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
chuck norris is a wanker and
chuck norris is a wanker
and a reff ugee
dead yet
have you been killed yet?????
Hi! Chuck Norris does not
Hi!
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Boogy man
The Boogy-man checks his closet every morning for Chuck Norris.
Walker, Texas Ranger
One time, Chuck Norris lost his temper on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger. They called it Walker, Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
franklin d roosevelt said
franklin d roosevelt said "we have nothing to fear but fear itself. and chuck norris
Chuck Norris
The Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious! Who started the facts anyway? i'm only asking because I'm a big fan of his. If you can reply, email me at tankvenus@gmail.com
chuck norris started it of
chuck norris started it of course...
Chuck Norris joke
Chuck Norris is like Jesus! He loves the little children.
They taste good.....
chuck norris swims
when chuck norris swims he doesnt get wet , the water gets chuck norris-fied
funny
this is realy funny its going on my favorites.
Horse
Chuck norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris
That wasn't hurricane
That wasn't hurricane Katrina you saw on tv that was Chuck Norris
-gangster brothers
Chuck Norris doesn't take
Chuck Norris doesn't take showers, he takes blood baths.
grasshole
chuck norris doesn't cut his grass. he stares at it and dares it to grow
Chuck norris can believe its
Chuck norris can believe its not butter
next time someone makes a
next time someone makes a joke, they will be rouyndhouse kicked in the face and will be stone dead in 0.00001 seconds
Chuck Norris sleeps with a
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, it's because the dark's afraid of Chuck Noris.
chuck norris
homeless people give money to chuck norris
Walker, Texas Ranger didnt
Walker, Texas Ranger didnt stop airing, chuck norris killed him
chuck norris doesn't travel
chuck norris doesn't travel at the speed of light. light travels at the speed of chuck norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason
Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding
chuck norris doesn't wear a
chuck norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is
Chuck Norris doesn't find
Chuck Norris doesn't find Waldo, Waldo finds Chuck Norris. -Alex Gallien
Instead of shaving chuck
Instead of shaving chuck norris merely kicks himself in the face,only chuck norris can cut chuck norris.
Chuck Norris played Through
Chuck Norris played Through the Fire and Flames on Expert and got 101%, the programmers had merely missed some notes.
chuck norrris blblbblbla
chuck norrris blblbblbla
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