Chuck Norris One Liners

Chuck Norris' facial hair is known to cut diamonds.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Once upon a time there was a magical kingdom. Then Chuck Norris came, and it wasnt so magical.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

When Chuck Norris speaks, everyone listens... and dies


Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris created the Giraffe, when he uppercutted a Horse!

Chuck Norris created

Chuck Norris created giraffes when he uppercut a horse

Chuck Norris played unreal

Chuck Norris played unreal tournament and made it real.

Chuck Norris has counted to

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity......twice


mahumad ali got it wrong its "float like a butterfly,sting like a chuck norris"

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris aced all his algebra tests. Not once did he solve for x. X solved for him.

during 9/11, terrorists were

during 9/11, terrorists were not trying to attack the United States. they tried (and failed) to kill chuck norris.

not sumthin to joke about!

not sumthin to joke about!

Chuck Norris Birth

Chuck Norris was born in a small, wooden cabinet that he built himself.


Great hunters can kill 3 birds with 1 stone Chuck norris killed 3 stones with 1 bird

The Chuck

-Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
-Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris dnt say Arrrrrr

Chuck Norris dnt say Arrrrrr Bisto....Bisto says Arrrrr chuck.....fact!

the devil was tto scared

chuck norris died 20 years ago. he went to heaven, and it exploded from him awesomeness. he then went to hell, and the devil was so scared, he threw him back to earth and told him to stay there.

- Death had a "near Chuck

- Death had a "near Chuck Norris experience"
- Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
- The earth spins faster when Chuck Norris goes for a run.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why aliens don't invade earth.
- Chuck Norris has a life expectancy of 1,000 yrs
- Everyone is wrong, Chuck Norris is right!!
- Chuck Norris kills flies by spitting at them.
- An average person may have to live "7 life times" to even come close to Chuck Norris wisdom.
- Heaven and Hell always make sure they don't see Chuck Norris!!!
- Chuck Norris sank the Titanic
- Chuck Norris went to prison once - ALL the prisoners died of shock to see him again!!!
- Luke Sky Walker - Chuck Norris is your REAL father!!!
- Chuck Norris never appears on 3D movies, Its for everyones own safety!!!
- Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands - its now called 'the islands'

chuck norris

chuck norris can speak braille

chuck norris

although it's not commonly known there are three sides to the force. the light side, the dark side, and chuck norris

chuck norris

some kids can piss their names in the snow, chuck norris can piss his name in concrete.

chuck norris

chuck norris' penis is so big that it has a penis of it's own and it's still bigger than yours

chuck norris

chuck noprris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

chuck norris

chuck norris made ellen degeneres straight

chick norris

chuck norris sent jesus a card on december 25th. it wasn't jeses' birthday. jesus was afraid to correct chuck norris so to this day december 25th is known as jesus' birthday.

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris lost his virginity Before his father.

Chuck norris made Nukes

When Chuck Norris was 10 he made a stink bomb. It was later dropped on Japan

When Chuck Norris was 10 he

When Chuck Norris was 10 he made a stink bomb. It was later dropped on Japan

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris

chuck norris thinks

chuck norris thinks bleedings for pussies ... period

chuck norris plade gh3 worls tour all intrumentrs with one hand

Chuck Norris! Duh!

- Chuck Norris can slam a revoving door.
- Chuck Norris know where Carmen Sandiego is.
- It's said that chuck norris has a third arm inside his beard.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
- God was going to create the world in 10 days but Chuck Norris round house kicked him in the face and gave him 7.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get cut, cuts get chuck norrised.
- Chuck Norris knows where Waldo is.
- There's no such thing as Evolution, just descendants of Chuck Norris.

Chuck norris doesn't teabag

Chuck norris doesn't teabag the ladies, he potato sacks them.

Chuck Norris built a time

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

chuck norris is a wanker and

chuck norris is a wanker

and a reff ugee

Hi! Chuck Norris does not

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Boogy man

The Boogy-man checks his closet every morning for Chuck Norris.

Walker, Texas Ranger

One time, Chuck Norris lost his temper on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger. They called it Walker, Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

franklin d roosevelt said

franklin d roosevelt said "we have nothing to fear but fear itself. and chuck norris

Chuck Norris

The Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious! Who started the facts anyway? i'm only asking because I'm a big fan of his. If you can reply, email me at

chuck norris started it of

chuck norris started it of course...

Chuck Norris joke

Chuck Norris is like Jesus! He loves the little children.

They taste good.....

chuck norris swims

when chuck norris swims he doesnt get wet , the water gets chuck norris-fied


this is realy funny its going on my favorites.


Chuck norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris

That wasn't hurricane

That wasn't hurricane Katrina you saw on tv that was Chuck Norris

-gangster brothers

Chuck Norris doesn't take

Chuck Norris doesn't take showers, he takes blood baths.


chuck norris doesn't cut his grass. he stares at it and dares it to grow

Chuck norris can believe its

Chuck norris can believe its not butter

next time someone makes a

next time someone makes a joke, they will be rouyndhouse kicked in the face and will be stone dead in 0.00001 seconds

Chuck Norris sleeps with a

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, it's because the dark's afraid of Chuck Noris.

chuck norris

homeless people give money to chuck norris

Walker, Texas Ranger didnt

Walker, Texas Ranger didnt stop airing, chuck norris killed him

chuck norris doesn't travel

chuck norris doesn't travel at the speed of light. light travels at the speed of chuck norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason

Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding

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