More Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris wrote every single edition of the Choose Your Own Adventure books. He wrote them all under pennames to hide the fact that they are autobiographical.

Chuck Norris prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, "I don't trust doctors." He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.

Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from

Rather that being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way from his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

The orginal them song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up truck. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris has every single copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.

Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.

Chuck Norris also played the Black guy in Walker Texas Ranger.

Chuck Norris found a portal to Hell where he repeatedly gave the Devil a round house kick to the face.

Chuck Norris invented american flag pants.

Chuck Norris invented the beard.

In the 80's it was discovered that President Reagan had an inoperable growth on his brain. Rather than letting him die, they shrunk Chuck Norris and injected him into President Reagan. There, he fought the tumor and defeated it with a round house kick to the face. The tumor died and Chuck Norris safely exited Ronald Regan's body. Chuck Norris then had Reagan's tumor mounted on his wall next to the elephant that he killed with his bare hands and the dinosaur he shot on his hunting expedition to the Jurassic Period.

Chuck Norris has no use for books since he has a little computer that just downloads information into his brain. He likes to think Charles Dickens' stories while he works out.

During the 1970's he taught The Price is Right host Bob Barker karate.(True)

Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head.

Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII.

Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.

Chuck Norris is actually just Bob Saget in his invincible mech suit.

Chuck Norris has covered his entire house in tinfoil to prevent Steven Seagal and Vin Diesel from collectively applying the force-choke to him. When applying the tinfoil, he inadvertantly applied it shiny-side down, thus effectively drawing heat from teh sun into his house. The resulting oven-like enclosure actually damaged his skin and deadened his nerve-endings, giving him his freakish ability to withstand pain.

Chuck Norris is a mammal. Chuck Norris fights ALL the time. The purpose of Chuck Norris is to flip out and roundhouse kick people.


Kill him

How do you kill Chuck Norris? You can't, no one can.


It's believed that Chuck Norris doesn't really have a beard, it's just a third fist in disguise.


Chuck norris can, in fact, touch this

Chuck norris is so bad ass he drives Optimus Prime to work.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books

He just stares them down until they tell him everything he wants to know.

Chuck norris

When Chuck Norris Was a Single Cell in his mom still he round housed the other single cells and became the only Single cell in his mothers womb.


you are so stupid.

Better grammar than Yoda,

Better grammar than Yoda, Chuck Norris has.

Things You Need To Make A

Things You Need To Make A Chuck Norris Roundhouse Rosary: 

  • string
  • just one bead, because when Chuck prays he doesn't need to repeat himself.

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