Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.


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dogs

chuck norris's dog picks up after its self because chuck norris doesn't take shit from no body no how.

1 Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has diabetes, but I don't think he takes insulin.

1 Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is really tough.

1 Chuck Norris

I saw Chuck Norris once. And liked it.

Chuckn Norris

Chuck Norris loves his family... a lot.

GUNS

When someone fires a gun the other guy doesnt die from the bullet because chuck norris blocks it with his beard. the person dies from pure shock and awe

chucknorris

chuck norris has the real king kong in his trunk

If life gives you lemons

If life gives tou lemons you make lemonade if life Gives
Chuck Norris lemons he makes Orange Juice.

Chuck Norris can eat only 1 lays potato chip.

Chuck Norris can fit 20 gallons in a 10 gallon hat.

Chuck Norris can fall up.

Chuck Norris can cut liquid with a butter knife.

russian roulette

Chuck Norris played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won.

chuck

chuck norris climbed to the bottom of mt. everest.

chuck norris counted to infiniti...twice.

chuck norris can slam a revolving door.

chuck norris doesnt cut his grass, he dares the grass to grow.

under chuck norris' beard isnt a chin, but another fist.

Chuck Norris is so fast he

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and hit himself in the back of the head!!

Some people say chuck norris

Some people say chuck norris is so hard, he has a third fist under his beard

chuck norris once killed 2

chuck norris once killed 2 stones with one bird!

death

chuck norris isnt scired of death cause death is scaired of chuck

Chuck Norris Counted To

Chuck Norris Counted To Infinity......Twice

I Will

Next one to insult me gets a roundhouse kick to the head so hard their head will fall off

tehe

once upon a time chuck norris did a round house kick and missed this is the reason why we have wind today!!!

chuck norris invented

chuck norris invented probing

chuck norris is my father

chuck norris is my father and mother and me

Chuck Norris the teacher!

If you think that you are a "tuff guy" Chuck Norris will stuff the foot of knowledge into the seat of understanding.

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has nerves of steel, literally.

More Chuck Norris

Wheaties are on the Chuck Norris Box

Weed gets high off of Chuck Norris

The Dark Ages happened cuz Chuck Norris forgot to turn on the light

Chuck Norris Birth is why the dinosaurs are extinct

Muscles have Chuck Norris Spasms

Chuck Norris eats nails for his iron

Chuck Norris can believe its

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter!!!!!!!!

Running of the Bulls

In Spain, men flee for their lives in the "Running of the Bulls". Afterwards, the bulls flee for theirs in the "Running of Chuck Norris".

If you are what you eat,

If you are what you eat, Chuck Norris is a Hummer, a T- ex, and half-a-stick of dynamite.

LAW: PULL OVER FOR CHUCK

THE POLICE, FIREFIGHTERS, AND AMBULANCE PULL OVER FOR CHUCK NORRIS TO PASS.

CN

chuck norriss' beard does not grow, the hair is scared and runs away

Lighting never strikes in

Lighting never strikes in the same spot twice because it knows Chuck Norris will find it

Chuck Norris does not love

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond!

Chuck norris

God can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land!

Chuck Norris is cool

Chuck Norris is known to take everything literally, once a man said to Chuck Norris,"You seem tough but you can't beat a soul!!!", the man was found seconds later without feet

Chuck Norris is so weak he

Chuck Norris is so weak he had to make a special piece of equipment because he was afraid of using real weights.

CHUCK NORRIS IS STRONG U

CHUCK NORRIS IS STRONG U BITCH!

You Should Not Of Said That

Run while you have the chance

If you miss

If you missspell Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris will come after you. You only have 3 seconds to live after this note.

chuck norissss will kill u

chuck norissss will kill u

Literall meaning sto Chuck Norris

Once a man questioned Chuck Norris' skills and power by saying,"I bet you can't get that women over there to give you a date, you loser!", Chuck Norris went over to her, came back and shoved the date nut down the mans throat
Date nut- a tropical form of peanut

Chuck Norris once met a man named San Adreas, from Mexico, who spit on his favorite shoes. Chuck Norris then grabbed his face, slammed him down as hard as he could down into the ground right near California, tremors began, and people questioned what he did and said, "It's San Adreas' fault"

thats not even funny

thats not even funny

chuck norris

I want you to know that whoever wrote this note is a complete idiot its been over 3 seconds and I havent died

In high School Chuck Norris

In high School Chuck Norris Marked Violence for every awnser on his math test he got an A+

Chuck Norris Solves all his Problems with Violence

SAT

If you answer "Chuch Norris" for every question on the SATs you will score a 20,000.

cherokee

Chuck Norris is 1/8 cherokee. It has nothing to do with ancestry, Chuck Norris just ate a freakin indian

LMAO! Funniest one here

LMAO! Funniest one here

Halo

Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2 & 3 on Legendary using only the flashlight.

forest

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

Chuck Norris sleeps with the

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on cause the darks afraid of him.

chuck norris

Chuck Norris knows VICTORIAS SECRET

AVPVCN

Alien vs. Predator was originaly going to be Alien vs. Predator vs. Chuck Norris, But no one would pay 10 bucks to see an 11 second movie.

The show "Survivor" was originaly going to put people on an island with Chuck Norris, but there were no survivors and no ones brave enough to go back to the island to get the tape.

When doing pushups, Chuck

When doing pushups, Chuck Norris doesn't pull his body up. He pulls the Earth down.

During a film shooting, a little horse was hurt and about to die. So Chuck went to him, and put his beard over the wound, and the little horse healed. After that, he grabbed the animal, thew it up, and roundhouse-kicked it to death. That proves that what Chuck can give to you, Chuck can take away from you.

When in this world there was nothing more than water, Chuck norris decided to jerk-off. The place he was on, it's what today we know as "Oceania".

Chuck is a nice guy, he always donate blood. He get's in and asks the nurse for a knife and a 10 gal. recipient.

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