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Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.


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Comments

Wed, 11/19/2008 - 03:50 — anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Tue, 11/18/2008 - 22:16 — Nuck Chorris (not verified)

YEAH!!!!!

Jackie Chan doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar

It doesn't take Jackie Chan any licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop because what Jackie wants, Jackie gets

Jackie Chan can tie velcro shoes

Jackie Chan has been to the bottom of the bottomless pit 24 times

World War II was started when Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan saw each other's TV shows

Sat, 11/15/2008 - 18:28 — nick mahoney (not verified)

round house kick

chuck norris once round house kicked him self in the face for saying his own name.

Tue, 11/11/2008 - 01:07 — Mike Landstrom (not verified)

new ones

chuck norris doesnt cut his grass. he stares it down and dares it to grow.
chuck norris doesnt do pushups. he pushes the earth down.

Tue, 11/04/2008 - 17:05 — zachary gill (not verified)

pajamas

chuck norris wears me on his pajamas

Mon, 10/27/2008 - 20:32 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris is so strong he

Chuck Norris is so strong he made the Hulk piss him self.

Wed, 10/08/2008 - 19:13 — douvon (not verified)

CHUCK NORRIS ONCE BUILT A

CHUCK NORRIS ONCE BUILT A LOG CABIN OUT OF BRICKS!!!

Mon, 10/06/2008 - 19:21 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Can Talk About Fight Club

Fri, 10/03/2008 - 02:10 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris

If at first you don't suceed, you are not Chuck Norris.

Fri, 10/03/2008 - 02:08 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves

Wed, 10/01/2008 - 18:24 — Martin Srotzchel (not verified)

Chuck Norris Doesn't Like

Chuck Norris Doesn't Like Sara Lee.
Chuck Norris knows the secret to bush's baked beans.
If a tree falls in a forest and nobody's around to hear it, Chuck Norris Hears it
If chuck norris falls in the water, he does not get wet. the water get's Chuck Norris.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris Kills People!!!!!

Sat, 09/27/2008 - 20:41 — Anonymous (not verified)

'My space' isnt your space

'My space' isnt your space its Chuck Norris space{chuck norris ownes everything}

Mon, 09/22/2008 - 03:37 — Josh and Joy (not verified)

Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris breaks promises with a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can ride a camel through the eye of a needle.
Chuck Norris once jumped on a trampoline and accidentally sent it to hell.
Chuck Norris can make a lemon out of lemonade.
Chuck Norris doesn't answer a phone, it answers to him.
Steroids got busted for taking Chuck Norris.

Sun, 09/21/2008 - 19:02 — Anonymous (not verified)

Blood Drive

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe. Instead he requests a hand gun and a bucket

Sat, 09/20/2008 - 03:57 — Anonymous (not verified)

strangle

Chuck Norris can strangle an African elephant....... with his forehead

Chuck Norris died 12 years ago. Death just hasn't got up the nerve to tell him

Chuck Norris and Mr. T once walked into a bar, only to have it instantly implode. scientists studied this for several days and found that that mauch awsome simply could not be in the same building.

while talking with those scientists they told him that diamond was the hardest substance on earth. Chuck became furios , and roundhouse kicked them all in the head with such heat and pressure it turned them into artifitial Chuck Norris.

Wed, 10/08/2008 - 03:56 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck norris can shoot a gun

chuck norris can shoot a gun without a clip in it

Fri, 09/19/2008 - 02:02 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck noris

chuck noris got in a knife fight and the knife lost

Fri, 09/05/2008 - 22:34 — Chuck Norris and the Third Fist (not verified)

If Chuck Norris had his own

If Chuck Norris had his own band it would be called: Chuck Norris and the 3rd Fist.

The reason the planet Mars is colored red is because a Martian pissed off Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris was in Brawl and you chose him and began the match, you win automatically.

When you use Chuck Norris' Final Smash the screen turns black and say's "Error: this game nor cant handle the true power of Norris." and 2 seconds later you see blood and guts everywhere and says GAME.

Fri, 08/15/2008 - 16:06 — Illchymus (not verified)

dogs

chuck norris's dog picks up after its self because chuck norris doesn't take shit from no body no how.

Wed, 08/13/2008 - 19:36 — Anonymous (not verified)

1 Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has diabetes, but I don't think he takes insulin.

Wed, 08/13/2008 - 19:35 — Anonymous (not verified)

1 Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is really tough.

Wed, 08/13/2008 - 19:33 — Anonymous (not verified)

1 Chuck Norris

I saw Chuck Norris once. And liked it.

Wed, 08/13/2008 - 19:29 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuckn Norris

Chuck Norris loves his family... a lot.

Wed, 08/13/2008 - 06:48 — Anonymous (not verified)

GUNS

When someone fires a gun the other guy doesnt die from the bullet because chuck norris blocks it with his beard. the person dies from pure shock and awe

Thu, 10/02/2008 - 03:41 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris

Someone insulted Chuck Norris when he went to texas, they made a movie about it called: Walker:Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 14:32 — Loco (not verified)

chucknorris

chuck norris has the real king kong in his trunk

Thu, 07/10/2008 - 03:22 — Billy Bob (not verified)

If life gives you lemons

If life gives tou lemons you make lemonade if life Gives
Chuck Norris lemons he makes Orange Juice.

Chuck Norris can eat only 1 lays potato chip.

Chuck Norris can fit 20 gallons in a 10 gallon hat.

Chuck Norris can fall up.

Chuck Norris can cut liquid with a butter knife.

Sun, 07/06/2008 - 05:10 — Anonymous (not verified)

russian roulette

Chuck Norris played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won.

Thu, 07/03/2008 - 22:21 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck

chuck norris climbed to the bottom of mt. everest.

chuck norris counted to infiniti...twice.

chuck norris can slam a revolving door.

chuck norris doesnt cut his grass, he dares the grass to grow.

under chuck norris' beard isnt a chin, but another fist.

Thu, 07/03/2008 - 03:15 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris is so fast he

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and hit himself in the back of the head!!

Thu, 07/03/2008 - 20:55 — Anonymous (not verified)

Some people say chuck norris

Some people say chuck norris is so hard, he has a third fist under his beard

Wed, 07/02/2008 - 05:42 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck norris once killed 2

chuck norris once killed 2 stones with one bird!

Thu, 06/26/2008 - 07:29 — Anonymous (not verified)

death

chuck norris isnt scired of death cause death is scaired of chuck

Tue, 06/24/2008 - 15:21 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris Counted To

Chuck Norris Counted To Infinity......Twice

Mon, 06/23/2008 - 02:01 — Chuck Norris (not verified)

I Will

Next one to insult me gets a roundhouse kick to the head so hard their head will fall off

Fri, 06/20/2008 - 12:40 — Anonymous (not verified)

tehe

once upon a time chuck norris did a round house kick and missed this is the reason why we have wind today!!!

Fri, 06/20/2008 - 07:58 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck norris invented

chuck norris invented probing

Fri, 06/20/2008 - 07:56 — Anonymous (not verified)

chuck norris is my father

chuck norris is my father and mother and me

Wed, 06/11/2008 - 13:12 — John Cook (not verified)

Chuck Norris the teacher!

If you think that you are a "tuff guy" Chuck Norris will stuff the foot of knowledge into the seat of understanding.

Sat, 06/07/2008 - 21:07 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has nerves of steel, literally.

Wed, 06/04/2008 - 01:02 — Becca (not verified)

More Chuck Norris

Wheaties are on the Chuck Norris Box

Weed gets high off of Chuck Norris

The Dark Ages happened cuz Chuck Norris forgot to turn on the light

Chuck Norris Birth is why the dinosaurs are extinct

Muscles have Chuck Norris Spasms

Chuck Norris eats nails for his iron

Sun, 06/01/2008 - 18:05 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck Norris can believe its

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter!!!!!!!!

Tue, 05/27/2008 - 18:11 — Yaniv (not verified)

Running of the Bulls

In Spain, men flee for their lives in the "Running of the Bulls". Afterwards, the bulls flee for theirs in the "Running of Chuck Norris".

Tue, 05/27/2008 - 12:58 — michael (not verified)

If you are what you eat,

If you are what you eat, Chuck Norris is a Hummer, a T- ex, and half-a-stick of dynamite.

Thu, 05/22/2008 - 20:56 — Scorpio King (not verified)

LAW: PULL OVER FOR CHUCK

THE POLICE, FIREFIGHTERS, AND AMBULANCE PULL OVER FOR CHUCK NORRIS TO PASS.

Tue, 05/20/2008 - 19:01 — Anonymous (not verified)

CN

chuck norriss' beard does not grow, the hair is scared and runs away

Tue, 05/20/2008 - 18:34 — Anonymous (not verified)

Lighting never strikes in

Lighting never strikes in the same spot twice because it knows Chuck Norris will find it

Tue, 05/20/2008 - 02:00 — Mike P. (not verified)

Chuck Norris does not love

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond!

Mon, 05/19/2008 - 16:49 — Anonymous (not verified)

Chuck norris

God can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land!

Fri, 05/16/2008 - 19:39 — Aaron Small (not verified)

Chuck Norris is cool

Chuck Norris is known to take everything literally, once a man said to Chuck Norris,"You seem tough but you can't beat a soul!!!", the man was found seconds later without feet

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