Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is ***, how can I help you?

Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?”

Me: “*** technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”  read more »

BURGER-SHAPED MACHINE: Welcome to Burger King™, may I take your order?

CUSTOMER: Yeah, I'll have a large basket of fries please.

MACHINE: Would you like some fries with that?

CUSTOMER: That's what I just ordered!

MACHINE: My mistake. Would you like a shake with that?

CUSTOMER: Sure, I'll have a chocolate one.

MACHINE: So that's a large basket of fries and a chocolate shake?  read more »

(The bakery had just closed. I had clocked out, and was on my way out of the store.)

Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”

Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”

Lady: “I’m a dentist…”  read more »

They advertised running water in each room, but I did't expect it to come from the ceiling.

They only served three meals. Breakfast on Monday, Lunch on Tuesday and Dinner on Saturday.

I couldn't complain about the room service. There wasn't any.

They changed beds twice a day - from one room to the next.

I had running water in my room. Shame it never stopped.

Everything was cold except the ice water.

The hotel has started stealing towels from the guests.  read more »

Customer: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Customer: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Customer: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Customer: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Customer: A SOUP bowl!  read more »

While the Gates' are moving in from their temporary quarters nearby, final construction of their new house is not expected to be completed until the end of the year.......

Bill: There are a few issues we need to discuss.

Contractor: Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?

Bill: Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated.

Contractor: Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date.  read more »

"Brussels police department, how may I assist you?"

"Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie."

"Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?"

"No"

"Well, let me get a little information about you for our records. Your name?"

"Bill Gates"

"Country?"

"The USA"

"Native language?"

"English"  read more »

Customer: “I just locked my key in my car in front of the shop.”

Me: (I pick up some stuff) “Not a problem, I’ll pop it open for $5.00.”

Customer: “What are you going to do with that stuff?”

Me: “Open your car.”

Customer: “It’s a brand new Mercedes. I just drove it here from the dealer–you can’t touch it!”

Me: “Then how do I open it?”  read more »

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

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A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.  read more »

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before
cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall".

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