Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Hot summer day temperature in the nineties. Tons of people in line because the shop is in an amusement park and everybody wants soft ice cream, which makes the soft ice even softer as it doesn’t have time to chill properly.

Male customer, who bought soft ice cream for his family 30 min or so earlier, comes up to the window very upset: “The soft ice cream is melting! My kids are a total mess!”

Me: “Well, it is hot outside, what are you gonna do?”

Customer: “You should put up a sign to let people know that it will melt!”  read more »

Some customers at our restaurant (Boston, MA, USA) try to get a free meal by placing some hair in their food and then blaming the chef and refusing to pay for the meal.)

Customer: “Waiter!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “There’s a hair in my food.”

Me: “That isn’t possible, unless it was your hair.”

Customer: “It isn’t!”

Me: “Who else’s hair could it be?”

Customer: “Your chef’s.”  read more »

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't
know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy
computers - but imagine if they did...

Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

Helpline: "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?"  read more »

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.   After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.  The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.  read more »

The following is somebody's "real life" telemarketer solution!

Me (seeing Out of Area on Caller ID, using bouncy DJ voice): KDNA, you're on the air!
Telemarketer: May I speak to Mad-uh-leen So...So...So-johr-nohr?
Me: This is KDNA, and you are on the air! You've just won your choice of a new Ford Explorer or $25,000 in cash!!!  read more »

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.

First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry.

So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.  read more »

Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.

Novice Users:
People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

Intermediate Users:
People who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it.

Expert Users:  read more »

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"  read more »

Everyone has gotten a call from a Telemarketer. The new Scourge of the Telephone System. Previously when the phone rang, you always wondered if it was someone you knew, or another schmuck with something to sell. Well, the time has come to turn the tables. We need to take control of our own phones. We need to take the "market" out of Telemarketing.

Premise: Telemarketers take the brute force approach to making sales. If you talk to a whole bunch of people, someone will buy what you are selling.  read more »

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times!  read more »