Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

A man is at his lawyer’s funeral and is surprised by the turnout for this one man.

He turns to the people around him. “Why are you all at this man’s funeral?”

A man turns towards him and says, “We’re all clients.”

“And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.”

“No, we came  read more »

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, " You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."  read more »

Insurance is not normally something that you can associate with laughter, so we have collated these insurance jokes, quotes and stories for you

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."  read more »

(Straight from the Virginia State Police, Insurance Fraud Division, Dinwiddie County)

A Charlotte, North Carolina man having purchased a box of very rare, very expensive cigars insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company  read more »

David Binner of Lestown, Pennsylvania got a $5.00 parking ticket. This did not sit well with him. He did however send a cheque in full payment. The problem is in the “re” line, he wrote a comment that did not amuse the authorities and he was charged with disorderly conduct. The news report does not say what exactly he wrote but his lawyer said something like, “The ‘F’ word is not what it used to be. It does not have a sexual connotation anymore and so it can’t be considered obscene”  read more »

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?  read more »

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetary.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: "Your honor."  read more »

A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight.

After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney.

Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere?  read more »

I was driving on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a beat up truck.

He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker.

I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this, overaerobicized woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up.

She proceeds to yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you idiot!" I'm a well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this.

As I drive away, she yells, "*******" at me again. Twice? I turn around and drive up next to her.  read more »

On October 13, 1944, the Durham N. C. Sun Reported that a Durhamite had been brought before a Judge Wison in traffic court for having parked his car on a restricted street right in front of a sign that read “No Stoping.”

Rather than pleading guilty, the defendant argued that the missing letter in the sign meant that he had not violated the letter of the law.

Brandishing a Webster’s dictionary, he noted that stoping means:

“extracting ore from a stope or, loosely, underground.”  read more »