Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
 
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
 
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
 
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
 
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
 
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
 
OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
 
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
 
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
 
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
 
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
 
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
 
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?  read more »

How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)

1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
   Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

   The family picture is on HER desk.
   Umm, her family will come before her career.

2. HIS desk is cluttered.
   He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

   HER desk is cluttered.
   She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
   He must be discussing the latest deal  read more »

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready.

The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.  read more »

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.

His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning.

He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"  read more »

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

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This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

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From H.A.L. Administration Dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and  read more »

IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."  read more »

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.  read more »

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional manager. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?  read more »

(The bakery had just closed. I had clocked out, and was on my way out of the store.)

Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”

Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”

Lady: “I’m a dentist…”  read more »

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application.

The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

“I must say,” says the executive, “your work history is terrible."

"You’ve been fired from every job.”

“Yes,” says the man.

“Well,” continues the executive, “there’s not much positive in that.”  read more »