Office Jokes



Funny Jokes on Mistakes

If a barber makes a mistake, It's a New Style

If a driver makes a mistake, It is a New path

If an engineer makes a mistake, It is a New Venture

If parents makes a mistake, It is a New Generation

If a politician makes a mistake, It is a New Law

If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a New Invention

If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a New Fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake, It is a New Theory

If our boss makes a mistake, It is a New idea

If an employee makes a mistake, It is a Mistake Only



Job Available for Accounting Position

A man is hiring for an accounting position, and is conducting interviews for each of the hopefuls. The first accountant walks in and starts to introduce himself.

Accountant1: I'm here for the accounting position

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant1: 4

Boss: get out

Sad, disappointed, and a little confused, the accountant slowly leaves the office. Then a new, fresh accountant comes in.

Accountant2: hey I'm here for the accounting position

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant2: 4

Boss: get out.  read more »



Talking Dogtalking dogs

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in
the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman
stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing
tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part
of my job."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss
know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!"

"Please don't!" said the dog. "If he finds out I can talk, he'll make me
answer the phone, too!"



Hired at a construction site

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."  read more »



How to Get a Day off From Work.

Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.

Man: And how would you do that?

Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

Boss comes in: What are you doing?

Woman: I’m a light bulb.

Boss: You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.

The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you going?

The man says: I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.



Sarcastic quotes at the work

1. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.  read more »



How to be Annoying

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.  read more »



Funniest Greatest Proverbs

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.  read more »



Business Travel Expenses

DUE TO THE CURRENT FINANCIAL STATUS OF THE COMPANY. ALL EMPLOYEES ARE ENCOURAGED TO ADOPT THE FOLLOWING COST CUTTING MEASURES

Lodging

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Transportation  read more »



Company Car Benefit

1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed on private cars.
5. Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
6. They have a much tighter turning radius.
7. The floor is shaped like an ashtray.
8. They only burn the cheapest gas available.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.  read more »

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