IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day.
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"
On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"
On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."
In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
In front of a junk yard building: DRIVE RECKLESS! IT HELPS BUSINESS!
In front of a house: FOR SALE, BUY OWNER!
Sign in front of a Beauty Shop: CUSTOMERS WANTED... NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY!
On a travel agency: PLEASE GO AWAY
On entering the Lion Country Safari in Florida, there is a sign: TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN!
A sign outside a church: ch__ch What's missing? ur
On a plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery - Walk-ins Welcomed."
Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."