Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

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This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

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From H.A.L. Administration Dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and  read more »

IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."  read more »

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.  read more »

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional manager. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?  read more »

(The bakery had just closed. I had clocked out, and was on my way out of the store.)

Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”

Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”

Lady: “I’m a dentist…”  read more »

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application.

The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

“I must say,” says the executive, “your work history is terrible."

"You’ve been fired from every job.”

“Yes,” says the man.

“Well,” continues the executive, “there’s not much positive in that.”  read more »

The boss in an oil rig went out to find that none of his subordinates were there.

One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain.

you see, I had a date and it ran a little late I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The boss was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let him go.  read more »

I urgently needed a few days holiday, but because there was a lot of work to be done, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a few days leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted “Mad” then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light-bulb so that the Boss would think I was “Mad” and give me a few days off.  read more »

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.  read more »

Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a Microsoft employee.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers the Apple engineer.

They all board the train.  read more »