In prison you spend a majority of your time in an 8x10 foot cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 foot cubicle.
In prison you can fall asleep on the job and no serious consequences comes from this actions.
At work if I fall asleep on the job I get put on theÂ next RIF list.
In prison they provide youÂ with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the clothes.
At work you must wear an ID badge at all times. read more »
Two lawyers and their boss go out for lunch and run into a genie.
"If you all give me five dollars each, I'll grant you one wish." The genie sighed.
All three lawyers debated and gave the genie fifteen dollars total. The
first one goes, "I would like to go to Paradise and never come back."
He was gone.
"Wow, that was some serious," said the other two.
The second lawyer goes and wishes for a beautiful wife and unlimited money in Paradise. read more »
An man walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, â€œMe want coffee.â€ The waiter says, â€œSure, Chief, coming right up.â€ He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out. read more »
A lady manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.
â€œWhat is your name?â€ was the first thing she asked the new guy.
â€œJohn,â€ the new guy replied.
She scowled, â€œLookâ€¦ I donâ€™t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I donâ€™t call anyone by their first name.
It breeds Familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. read more »
If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident...
If an engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture...
If parents make a mistake, It is a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake, It is a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake...... read more »
Over the past several months, my company has shorted my paychecks several times, anywhere from $75 to $300.
Each time this has happened, the payroll department made me wait two weeks before they corrected the error.
Last payday the situation reversed. Everyone with direct deposit was paid twice.
I quickly withdrew every dollar from my bank account before the mistake could be corrected. read more »
One day, a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.
The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's mostpopular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts the offer. So, the next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. read more »
Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Week 8 - Memo No. 4 read more »
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. read more »
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. read more »