Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

* The metal backs of iPods are made from recycled zippers.

* Eskimos don’t believe in bridges or tunnels.

* Every sixteen minutes, someone named Richard dies.

* Billy Bob Thornton’s grandfather was the first person to own a television.

* Dolphins kill more people annually than sharks and influenza combined.

* On a dare, former President Rutherford B. Hayes declared war on Chile for 17 minutes.

* The original title for Catcher in the Rye was Hey, Look, a Carousel!

* Professionals call the top socket on an electrical outlet the “Martha,” and the bottom socket the “Jasmine.”

* In the archives at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C., there are two identical snowflakes preserved in a freezer.

* Three out of every ten nickels has been in someone’s mouth.

* If you hold one nostril closed for 72 hours, you will slowly lose the ability to see color. (Your sight will instantly return to normal when you release your nostril.)

* Wave a magnet at the lower left corner of a vending machine to receive a free soda.

* The glossy paper from the backs of stickers can be used to soothe sunburn.

* To be a train conductor, you have to cut off one of your own toes during a loyalty ritual.

* The Z in Jay-Z’s name stands for “Zeppidemus.”

* Jean shorts were invented three weeks prior to the invention of regular jeans.

* Whispering instead of talking on cell phones saves significant battery power.

* In Austria, the traditional Christmas colors are not red and greed, but purple and clear.

* Benjamin Franklin coined the phrase “Baby Mama” in a satirical poem published in Poor Richard’s Almanac.

* If you take the first letter of each word in the Monopoly board game instruction manual, they spell out an X-rated sentence.

* The original name for the laptop computer was “Hinged Smart Slab.”

* The average person inhales 3 pounds of spider webs in his or her lifetime.

* When first introduced to the public, plastic laundry baskets cost $75 each.

* Winnie the Pooh started out as a non-fiction account of mental illness.

* Reading backwards for twenty minutes burns the same amount of calories as walking a half-mile.

* The Q in Q-tips stands for “quantum,” as the small bit of cotton on the tip contains more atoms than the entire human body.

* Revolving doors were first invented as a way to keep horses out of department stores.

* Peru and the moon weigh the same amount.

* Human beings and anteaters are the only animals that can snap their fingers.

* If you soak a baseball hat in coke, and then let it dry on someone’s head, over a 3-hour period the hat will shrink with skull-denting force, causing intense pain and irreparable damage.

* Clouds cannot travel south southwest.

* In sign language, there are 72 ways to say “drawbridge.”

* When placed in warm milk, raisins re-plump into grapes.

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