Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A list of everything you want!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
He had no body to go with!

What's red and white and red, red and white, and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill!

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!!

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells. !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?
Grave-y!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No you can have turkey like everyone else.

Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree?
After your Christmas one and your Christmas two.

Why is Santa a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position.

How does Santa Claus take photos?
With his North Pole-aroid.

Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna."

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty ! What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A list of everything you want!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
He had no body to go with!

What's red and white and red, red and white, and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill!

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!!

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells. !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?
Grave-y!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No you can have turkey like everyone else.

Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree?
After your Christmas one and your Christmas two.

Why is Santa a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position.

How does Santa Claus take photos?
With his North Pole-aroid.

Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna."

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty !

Technorati Tags: One Liner Jokes