- I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
- When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
- My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
- All things being equal, you lose.
- If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
- I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
- Smile... Tomorrow will be worse.
- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.
- Thank you for not annoying me more than you do.
- Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
- This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
- If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
- A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
- Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
- Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
- I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
- I'd like to help you out; which way did you come in?
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it.
- From the moment I picked your book up to the moment I set it down, I
was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it.
- I don't care who you are, what you drive, or where you'd rather be.
- I'm not cynical. I'm just experienced.
- I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
- I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
- Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
- It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail in the process.
- You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.
- Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
- You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
- Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
- Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
- Do they ever shut up on your planet?
- I'm not your type; I'm not inflatable.
- Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine.
- Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
- Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
- You look like shit. Is that in style now?
- Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- I don't have an attitude problem, it's supposed to be this way.
- It's not that I'm antisocial, I'm just not friendly.
- Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right
on talking when you're interrupting.
- I'm sorry, do I resemble your therapist?
- I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.
- I don't care where you go, as long as you get lost.
- It is just you.
- I heard you, and so what if the world's ending at noon today, I can't chat with
you until tomorrow.
- I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
- I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
- You laugh because I'm different; I laugh because you're all the same.
- If I throw a stick, will you go away?
- I didn't know regurgitated spam could talk.
- If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."
- If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
- A mind is a terrible thing to waste; I'm glad they didn't waste one on you.
- Next time you get the urge to think...don't.
- I'm not antisocial. I just don't like people.
- Would you kindly shut your noise hole.
- You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we're from the
- "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable
of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot.
- It's not that I wish any harm to the guy, I'm just saying I could happily sit by while someone
knocks his head off.
- It's people like you who make the Internet all but impossible to trust.
- Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Well, I was nearly killed three times, fell off a bridge and broke my jaw.ï¿½How was your day?
- On your way down the banister of life, may your ass collect tons of splinters.
- Are you renting the space in your head? It could be profitable.
- I'm sorry.. Am I poking holes in your self-esteem bucket?
- Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
- I wonder what life would have been like if you had had enough oxygen at birth.
- Whatever it is that's eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
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