French Army Jokes



Q: How many Frenchmen died in World War II????
A: Not Enough.

Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama?
A: So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman

Q: What’s the shortest book ever written?
A: French War Heroes.

Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: Why does Nike like the French Army?
A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn’t really exist.

Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy?
A: To see all their other ships.

Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris?
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.

Q: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that’s pushing it!

Q: Why are the French so afraid of war?
A: You would be too if you never won one in your history.

Q: What’s the difference between toast and Frenchmen?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast!

Q: Why don’t the French really want the US to attack Iraq?
A: Don’t want their record for surrender broken.

Q: Why does every army have to have a French flag?
A: In case they want to surrender!

Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries?
A: Courage!!

Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.

Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France?
A. They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”

Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country?
A: I don’t know either, its never happened!

Q: What Does “Maginot Line” mean in French?
A: “Speed bump ahead”

Q: What’s the new French flag look like?
A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background!

Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate?
A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend herself!

Q: Why do the French never perform “the wave” at a soccer game?
A: Because, that’s a gesture reserved for use only in time of war.

Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless.

Q: Why does the French Navy suck?
A: Because cardboard doesn’t float!

Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes?
A: Surrender twice.


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Q: How many gears on a

Q: How many gears on a French tank?
A: 6. 1 forward, 5 reverse!

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