Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.

DIVORCE: Future Tense 
of Marriage

LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information 
from the notes of the lecturer 
to the notes of students 
without passing through the minds 
of either.

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man 
multiplied by the 
number present

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing 
a cake in such a way that 
everybody believes 
he got the biggest piece

TEARS: The hydraulic force by which 
masculine will power is 
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes 
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, 
nobody listens 
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel 
you are going to feel 
a feeling 
you have never felt before

CLASSIC: A book 
which people praise, 
but never read




SMILE: 
A curve 
that can set 
a lot of things straight


.

OFFICE: A place 
where you can relax 
after your strenuous 
home life

YAWN: The only time 
when some married men 
ever get to open 
their mouth

ETC: A sign 
to make others believe 
that you know 
more than 
you actually do.

COMMITTEE: Individuals 
who can do 
nothing individually 
and sit to decide 
that nothing can be done 
together.

EXPERIENCE: The name 
men give 
to their 
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB: An invention 
to bring an end 
to all 
inventions

PHILOSOPHER: A fool 
who torments himself 
during life, 
to be spoken of 
when dead

DIPLOMAT: A person 
who tells you 
to go to hell 
in such a way 
that you actually look forward 
to the trip

OPPORTUNIST: A person 
who starts taking bath 
if he 
accidentally falls 
into a river

OPTIMIST: A person 
who while falling 
from EIFFEL TOWER 
says in midway 
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST: 
A person 
who says that 
O is the last letter 
in ZERO, 
Instead of the first letter 
in OPPORTUNITY

MISER: A person 
who lives poor 
so that 
he can die RICH!

FATHER: A banker 
provided by 
nature

CRIMINAL: A guy 
no different 
from the other, 
unless he gets caught

BOSS: Someone 
who is early 
when you are late 
and late 
when you are early

POLITICIAN: One who 
shakes your hand 
before elections 
and your Confidence 
Later

DOCTOR: A person 
who kills 
your ills 
by pills, 
and kills you with
his bills.

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