Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New
Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old
year leaves.
- Bill Vaughan

Then sing, young hearts that are full of cheer,
With never a thought of sorrow;
The old goes out, but the glad young year
Comes merrily in tomorrow.
- Emily Miller

The proper behavior all through the holiday season
is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New
Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person
you're married to.
- P.J. O'Rourke

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
- Lord Tennyson, 1850

We meet today
To thank Thee for the era done,
And Thee for the opening one.
- John Greenleaf Whittier

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New
Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
- Bill Vaughan

Now there are more overweight people in America than
average-weight people. So overweight people are now
average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
- Jay Leno

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in
one year and out the other.
- Unknown

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly
with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening
ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left
in tears.
- W.H. Auden

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