1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
7. Do I look like a frigging people person?
8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
11. Allow me to introduce my selves.
12. You! Off my planet !!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
15. I like dogs too. Let's exchange recipes.
16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
17. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
18. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
19. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
22. And which dwarf are you?
23. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
24. Is it time for your medication or mine?
25. Earth is full. Go home.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
28. Better living through denial.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
31. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
32. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
33. I plead contemporary insanity.
34. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
38. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
39. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
40. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
41. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
42. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
43. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
44. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
45. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
46. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
47. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
48. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
49. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
50. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?