1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, youâ€™re a mile away and you have their shoes.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. Itâ€™s always darkest before dawn. So if youâ€™re going to steal your neighborâ€™s newspaper, thatâ€™s the time to do it.
4. Donâ€™t be irreplaceable. If you canâ€™t be replaced, you canâ€™t be promoted.
5. Always remember that youâ€™re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if youâ€™re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
9. If at first you donâ€™t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you donâ€™t have to remember anything.
13. Some days youâ€™re the bug; some days youâ€™re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like â€˜The Forceâ€™. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you arenâ€™t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you donâ€™t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.