Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh

WHen things are fine and dandy, what is dandy?

why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

y is it called tomorrow if tomorrow never comes

3. There is no speed of darkness. It is merely the absence of light.
4. This is an incredibly stupid question. Black boxes (which are painted orange for the most part) survive crashes because they're built incredibly densely. If a plane was built in the same way it wouldn't be able to move. And it wouldn't help the passengers either. Even if the plane stayed intact (and somehow managed to be in the air in the first place) in a crash, you'd get identical g-forces and so the passengers would still go splat.
12. Birds don't fall out of trees when they sleep because of the way their leg muscles are structured. When they relax (to go to sleep) their feet grip tighter. They have to make an effort to let go.
19. You can't travel at the speed of light. Ever.

Answers to most of the questions
1. Microsoft, IKEA, Toyota, GM motors, etc
2. They put one plate with the old product and one with the new in front of a testpanel of dogs and check which one is usually preferred
3. Darkness is still, but it will get dark at the speed of light because that's how long it takes the light to disappear
4. Because that material costs a lot of money and it's properties aren't what you'd want to build a plane out of
5. Nobody, you can't copyright official characters like the copyright, pound, dollar, etc
6. Of course you can, but the effect would be minimal
7. Because dogs can work themselves to death (almost). Try catching a stick for a dog long enough, or go hunting
8. Because mechanical calculators had that setup to make it easier to do mathematic functions and print it out in a readable way, and they just continued the tradition with the electronic ones. One the key-mapped phone they tried to copy the rotary phone setup, where 1 is at the top and 9 at the bottom
9. If they're on land long enough, yes, but only in the same way you get thirsty for air after spending too much time in outer space without an oxygen tank
10. You can get cornered by several people as long as you have a wall behind you
11. OK is a way to write okay, which is a term of approval that is just above mediocre
12. Why don't you roll over on your back/stomach during the night if you fell asleep on your side?
13. The color orange
14. You could call it ladybird like everyone else does, or Coccinellidae which is the real name
15. Yes, you will remember, and you can recover from amnesia as long as it isn't repressed memories
16. Yes, and I take it you've tried
17. Yes, that is wierd
18. No, the wind-resistance would create so much noise that you wouldn't be able to hear it. If you traveled at the speed of sound in a vehicle you'd be able to hear it because the sound would also be traveling at the speed of sound in the vehicle, plus it's own speed.
19. First, your headlight would turn on, and assuming they're so increadibly awesome that they wouldn't burn up at that speed you'd get no extra light in front of you. Imagine rolling a ball and walking beside it at the same speed
20. Maybe because the picture on a TV is a set of 3 colors interlaced, red, green and blue. That's my theory
21. If they did the amount they owned would be pretty darned thin at the center of the earth, because the mass would be a cone, getting smaller and smaller the closer you get to the center. As #3 pointed out, different countries, different rules
22. As mentioned, there are roads without speed limits in the world, and having a car with max speed 70/80mph probably means you're short on horsepower or torque

If a man with a multiple personality disorder is about to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
OK was used in the 70's which meant "all cool" but was spelled wrong because it was a cool thing to do then...and still is...

1. Dubai has it.
21. Here in Saxony, Germany everything deeper than 50 cm (20 inch) belongs to the state. So you only own the surface.
22. Germany again, on some motorways there are no speed limits.