Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

1. Scoop a small hole in an apple with the end of a spoon and insert a sweet gummy worm - yuck!

2. If your family eats O-shaped cereal, thread them all onto a piece of string and put them back in the box.

3. Make a fake 'fried egg'. Arrange a spoonful of natural yoghurt in an oval on a plate. Pop an apricot half in the middle. Serve it up to your family with a rasher of real bacon.  read more »

I tried asking Visa's customer representatives the same security questions they ask us, just to see how they would react. They didn't like it at all, as you can read below.

VISA: ...And for security, I just need your mother's maiden name?

JOHN HARGRAVE: [I tell him] And Barry, for security purposes, I also need your mother's maiden name.

VISA: Uh ... my mother's maiden name, sir?

JH: Uh-huh.

VISA: OK. Uh ... please hold for a moment, sir.

[Hold time of 3:54]  read more »

Practical jokes should be done in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The best jokes are the clever ones where everyone laughs, especially the person who had the joke played on them.

These are many types of pranks and jokes ideal for April Fools Day.

1. Advertise your bosses job in the local newspaper - (Great if you want to get fired !).

2. Get a balloon and put it on the tailpipe of a truck  read more »

• Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.  read more »

Garage Sale
Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. all items in the backyard, just come around back and come early!

Oil Spot
At night pour used oil underneath the  read more »

One of the pranks that I know of that isn't really harmful but still amusing is the "bathtub jello" one.

I've heard about couples returning from their honeymoon to find nothing out of the ordinary - until they go to take a shower/bath, when they find that their bathtub is full of jello.

It's easy to do - although I think it's better to make in layers if you have the time (you can assure that it's set that way).

Just run hot water, dump in lots of jello and *lots* of ice cubes, then stir.  read more »

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres!

So I called him a piece of horse shit.  read more »

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".  read more »

To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk.

When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk.

This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay.

“Sure, it’s fine,” my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. “Why do you ask?”  read more »

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed.

With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:

"It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend.

I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle, But is not only that Mom, I'm pregnant and tom said that we will very happy in his trailer in the woods.

He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.  read more »