Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people Who remarked it was a shame the old man Was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,So they changed positions.

Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, 'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.'

So they then decided they'd both walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought They were stupid to walk when they had a Decent donkey to ride.

So, they both rode the donkey.  read more »

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What’s on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started…

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started…

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.  read more »

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.

When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

A guy goes into a nice restaurant wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one.

He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk.

In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.  read more »

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting, ' 13....13....13. '

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see What was going on.....

One of them poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting ' 14....14....14 '...

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.

The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something."

The taxi driver says "It's not your fault sir. It's my first day as a cab driver...I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years."

My father died on Jan 02. He left no forwarding address.

Therefore, it fell to me to collect his mail. I didn't expect much really, since my sisters and I had been careful to notify his bank, insurance agent and a host of other businesses that one of their customers was no more.

I went to my mailbox to find this:

Dear Mr. Hanson,  read more »

*  If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.  Ask, "How long can I keep it?  Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
         read more »

Operator: 911 emergencies.
Boy: Yeah I need some help.
Operator: What’s the matter?
Boy: With my math.
Operator: With your mouth?
Boy: No with my math. I have to do it. Will you help me?
Operator: Sure. Where do you live?
Boy: No with my math.
Operator: Yeah I know. Where do you live though?
Boy: No, I want you to talk to me on the phone.
Operator: No I can’t do that. I can send someone else to help you.
Boy: Okay.
Operator: What kind of math do you have that you need help with?  read more »

Garage Sale
Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. all items in the backyard, just come around back and come early!

Oil Spot
At night pour used oil underneath the  read more »