Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Two dogs were walking along a road. One dog stopped and said, "My name is Fido. What's yours?"

The other dog thought for a minute, and then replied, "I think it's Down Boy."

John, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at 4:00 A.M. by his ringing telephone.

"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice.

John thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely 4:00 A.M., John called his neighbor back.

"Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to say that I don't have a dog."

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take
care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think
that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"

After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"

The teacher was asking Harold some math questions.

Teacher: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two
rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Harold: SEVEN!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of pop,
and two bottles of pop, and another two bottles of pop, how many bottles
of pop do you have?
Harold: SIX!

Teacher: Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and
another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Harold: SEVEN!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is
seven?  read more »

an sees a man leaning against the wall of a large building. The man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.

Juan says, “Sir, I couldn’t help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?”

“Four.”

“How long have you been smoking?”

“Thirty years.”

“That’s over six thousand packs. If you didn’t smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building.”

The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?”

“Never.”

“Do you own this building?”

“No.”

“Well, I do.”

The credit crunch is hitting hard – so why not take some time out to enjoy a bit of a laugh at the expense of all of those people who caused it! This is a selection of humorous jokes relating to finance and specifically the credit crunch.

Joke 1

Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.

Joke 2

Q: What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Joke 3  read more »

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

------------------------------------------------------

A definition of Christmas:
The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.

------------------------------------------------------

What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane!

------------------------------------------------------

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut open 'til Christmas!

------------------------------------------------------

What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y"!  read more »

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."

So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are."

The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are."

The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn’t even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.

After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.

“Doctor,” she said, “I have a very bad gas problem.”  read more »

There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him.

Jim said, “No, that’s okay. God will take care of me.”

So, the man in the boat drove off.

The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in.

Jim replied, “No, that’s okay. God will take care of me.”  read more »