Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

A blonde comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe.

His boss starts to yell at him:

You are ruining office reputation, go home and change the shoes.

The blonde goes home, and comes back after a while.

Boss I have a problem, the other pair of shoes at home are black and white, too.

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Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid blonde are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground.

Who will take the money?  read more »

A big burly man visited a pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

“Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district.

The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine
children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty
streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher's wife. “May I ask who you are?”  read more »

A Blonde went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan.

The doctor said: “I have some bad news for you.

First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side.”

Smart Blonde interrupted, “Well, that's normal, isn't it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?”

The doctor replied, “That's true"  read more »

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.

To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:

"Free to good home. You want it, you take it."

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal.

It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:

"Fridge for sale $50."

The next day  read more »

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.

Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before.

After several hours they still haven't bagged any.

One hunter looks at the other and says, "I just don't understand it-- why aren't we getting any ducks?"

Her friend says, "I keep telling you, I just  read more »

A young sailor was sitting in a cafe having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate.

The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye.

Unable to resist, the sailor asks “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?”

“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate. “and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!”

“Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”  read more »

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.

The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment.

Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”  read more »

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."  read more »

There were three guys talking in the cafe. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,

"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says...

"I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed.

"What happened then?" they asked.  read more »

Jim had awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one.

On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman...

"Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the tuna."

"But , why?"  read more »