Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?

Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem?  read more »

Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
A: He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?
A: She gets the poptart out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: He's the one on his bike.

Q: What do you call a blonde at university?
A: A visitor.

Q. Why does a blonde smile in a lightning storm?
A. They think their getting their picture taken.  read more »

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redhead’s house while the redhead’s father was out.

The father had a pet parrot, which he did not let anyone else touch. But, when he left, the girls took him out.

The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings.

“Now you’ve done it!” the red head yelled at the blonde. “Go buy him another one just like that, here’s some money.” The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50. “  read more »

There was this case in the hospital’s Intensive Care ward where
patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought  read more »

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.

The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she'd indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation  read more »

One day after work, the blonde walked into a pizza parlor and ordered a small personal pizza.

When it was ready, the waiter asked if she wanted it cut into four pieces or eight.

"Better  read more »

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!  read more »

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building.

He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"

The blond answers in a very weak voice  read more »

She was soooo blonde that ...

She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

She sold the car for gas money.

She studied for a blood test and failed.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.  read more »

There was a blonde driving down the center of the road at 100 mph. A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she had stopped, the officer asked, "License and Registration please."

"It's okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do this," she said smiling.

"That's impossible!" The officer replied, "I've never heard of such a license."  read more »