Wedding Jokes



The Story Behind LADIES FIRST

Here is the story behind 'Ladies First.' It's really an interesting story though I don't know whether it's true or not.

Long time ago, a man and a woman were madly in love.

They wanted to marry, but parents didn’t approve.

So they decided to suicide together, and planned to jump from a mountain.

The man could not bear to see his Sweet Heart Fall, so he convinced her that he will jump first, and he jumped.

But the girl never jumped.

Thereafter all men decided to say…..

“LADIES FIRST” :D



Rules that Girls Wish Guys Knew

1. We may be emotional beings, but do not lie to We may be emotional beings, but do not lie to squirm your way out of trouble. We are not as gullible as you think.
2. We really don't find it attractive when you stand there stratching yourself in the morning, afternoon or night- please do it in private.
3. Don't fix it if it's really not broke. You don't need to take everything apart out of curiosity.
4. Ask for directions
5. If you said you are going to be somewhere at a certain time, then do it. Don't expect us to wait around.  read more »



Rules that Guys Wish Girls Knew

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. If you think you're fat, you may be. Don't ask us. (besides, we're not suicidal enough to answer anything other than "no" anyway)
6. Sunday Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. It can't be altered so just let be.  read more »



Wedding Practical Jokes

  • Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.  read more »



Who's The Boss?

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."  read more »



wife's revenge

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn``t see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."  read more »



Obituary in local newspaper

A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written.

The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.

She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died, 1983 Pickup for sale'."



You are not getting older

For his wife's birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:

"You are not getting older,
You are getting better."

When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."

It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."



Got Text Message Confirmation

Husband sent a text to wife at night, "Hi babe I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."

He sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

She text back, "OMG really?"

Husband replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."



We're going to be three

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

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