Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

“I'll take you to a fancy restaurant.” Really means...
“This time we won't use the drive-thru window.”

“Will you marry me?” Really means...
“Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter.”

“I do help around the house.” Really means…
“I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”

“Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing.” Really means...
“And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I can't find it.” Really means...
“It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.”

“What did I do this time?” Really means...
“What did you catch me at?”

“She's one of those rabid feminists.” Really means...
“She refused to make my coffee.”

“I heard you.” Really means...
“I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“You know I could never love anyone else.” Really means...
“I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“You look terrific.” Really means...“
Oh, goodness, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.”

“I brought you a present.” Really means…
“It was free ice scraper night at the ball game.”

“Go ask your mother.” Really means...
“I am incapable of making a decision.”

“I missed you.” Really means...
“I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”

“I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are.” Really means...
“No one will ever see us alive again.”

“We share the housework.” Really means...
“I make the messes, she cleans them up.”

“Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful.” Really means...“
Oh, man , what have you done to yourself?”

“It sure snowed last night.” Really means...
“I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now.”

“I don't need to read the instructions.” Really means...
“I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”

Technorati Tags: Wedding Jokes One Liner Jokes