Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

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Tip 1 - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women's Way - Tesco's sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

Tip 2 - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.  read more »

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.

As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.”

The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”

“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”

“It’s even worse than that,” he confided.  read more »

Twinkle Twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue

monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

not in cage but laughing at you.

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God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .

He saw me in dark, he created light .  read more »

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.

She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers.

Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.  read more »

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".

The man said "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later  read more »

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.

I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.  read more »

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.  read more »

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home.  read more »

A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old man suffered a coronary and was hospitalised.

When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me.

You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."

"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed.  read more »