Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : I will choose my own bride!
Father: But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.
Son : Well, in that case… ok!

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: I have a husband for your daughter.
Bill Gates: But my daughter is too young to marry!
Father: But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ah, in that case… ok

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.  read more »

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness!

“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my!

“WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK!

“Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?  read more »

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her billfold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some chocolate with it instead of dinner?” “No,” I had to stop chocolate years ago, the homeless woman replied.  read more »

An English professor wrote the words,

“A woman without her man is nothing”

on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote:  read more »

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.

“Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend.

“Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re  read more »

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,  read more »

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up,  read more »

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."

"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."

"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just  read more »

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen.

They go to the police station to make a full report.

Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime.

To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note  read more »

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says,  read more »