Really Funny Clean Jokes and Humor

A woman hurries home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,

"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!!!"

The husband says,

"Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"  read more »

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!"

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."  read more »

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get out coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."  read more »

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.

She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."

"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."

"No, mother," you don't understand.

"I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"

"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom.  read more »

BEFORE MARRIAGE:  read more »

• Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

• Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS" :
  - The Engagement Ring
  - The Wedding Ring
  - The Suffer-Ring
  - The Endue-Ring

• Married life is full of excitement and frustration :
  - In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
  - In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.  read more »